Legion

“Legion”. “Legion”. “Legion”. Why? I mean you had the potential to at least be ok, maybe even good. Did you live to that potential? Obviously not since I have to ask, but that just begs the question of what even qualifies as potential anymore. I mean this movie called itself an epic. It said it was a visual spectacle. Hell, my interest was at least peaked, and I’m a bitter movie curmudgeon that loves nothing until it actually shows the goods! Plus, I’ve said over and over that I am sadly having to be more and more of the opinion that the action genre has had it’s time and would probably be better off just dying off, but some movies just want to cling to the idea that they can bring it back in some fused or bastardized form. Sometimes that can be interesting and fun like “From Dusk Till Dawn” or “Sin City”, or bad like… Well, this movie. I’m sorry in advanced to this movie’s defenders, odd enough as it is that this movie has defenders, but this movie just blows. I mean it’s just bad.
Let me count the ways, shall I? Let’s start with the story. Now, while I’ve been a big defender of “Avatar”, despite the fact that the movie’s story is largely borrowed from at least three sources, it doesn’t bug me. I notice it, but in a way, the three films it “steals” from are actually improved in its story and don’t really feel like they are being stolen, more added upon. It’s taking something that was done once, and either combines it with something else or does it much better. For example, many people say that “Avatar” was simply a rehash of “Dances with Wolves”, a film that I just can’t stand. Odd really, since I loved “Avatar”, maybe it was just the first time “Dances with Wolves” was actually interesting enough to grab me after the first hour this time, I don’t know.
Now, I’ve said all that to say that I’m one of those guys that can sit there and find so many other stories that have been used for plays or movies or what have you. Normally, I'm actually not that peeved about it, because usually, at least SOME effort is made to hide the new movie as it's own creation. But really, this movie just can’t seem to figure out what it wants to…. Rip off. God I hate that term, but there is nothing else to describe this! I mean wow! In this movie, in one sitting, I pulled out “Evil Dead”, “The Omen”, and “The Terminator” of all things. I mean this is just shoddy at best. This is a movie that was either written by producers, or it was something they tried to tailor as something "new", but then again, maybe the joke’s on us here and they just want a laugh on the way to the bank with our money.
Let’s talk about action sequences, because what are those anymore? I mean the director here seems to have an idea, because most of the time he seems to know how to make them fun, yet halfway in, and I’m not kidding here, he turns the lights off. I’m not joking; he just flat cuts the lights at least three times! I wouldn’t mind since this movie kind of tries to be horror at times, but the amount of action leading up to the lights going out, is really just too much. When it happens I’m not so much scared, as pissed that now I can’t see anything and my cool action sequence is ruined by the horror aspect trying to butt in. That's even another problem, the horror in this movie is silly. When the evil old lady first appears and starts fucking people up, I just laugh because, while I'm sure the point is to show that the Angels add strength when possessing people (yeah, Angels possess people here.) this just comes off as hilarious. I'm sorry but seeing an old woman throw Dennis Quaid across the room is just fucking funny! It’s a perfect example of a genre combo that is just poorly executed… Along with pretty much everything else in this movie actually, because nothing is really done well.
The script is just pathetic, and I really mean pathetic. It’s all: “What’s going on?!” and “Why me?” and a lot, and I really mean this, A LOT of exposition. Seriously for every minute of something actually happening in this movie, there is at least five minutes of talking. This movie is about an hour and 40 minutes, so that means that of 100 minutes of total run time, we get about 20 minutes, if that of either bad action or bad horror. The rest is literally just explaining the plot. What really pissed me off was at the end where in the middle of a fight they’ve been building the whole movie, they just stop and have a pow wow to talk about stuff. THIS. ISN’T. FILM-MAKING!!! In fact this scene tries to be more like a play, and normally I’m down with that idea. But when you’re movie’s built as an action/horror film, well it’s out of place to be nice, and horribly idiotic in all other cases.
That and the performances are just shit. Dennis Quaid, who I mentioned in my “Pandorum” review, makes an appearance and frankly needs to fire his agent. I mean wow, I may have given him shit for “Pandorum”, but this guy really is not that bad an actor. I loved “Innerspace” and “Dragonheart”, his performance in both in particular, it’s just sad to see him here. Although much sadder is Paul Bettany. If I may directly speak to the actor, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I wouldn’t care if you were actually someone that had not had a good run in movies, but you were in no less that TWO Best Picture nominees in less that four years, and “Firewall”, while silly at times, was actually slightly successful and hell; “The Da Vinci Code” was actually largely successful. I’d understand if you were hurting for work, but I don’t see you as being particularly hard pressed with credits like that! I mean those two are just the cream of the crop outside of Charles S. Dutton, who steals the show no matter what he does anyway, and really, the rest of the cast is dull, uninteresting and just vastly underdeveloped.
That really goes back to the writing. I hate to harp on it, but that’s really the movie’s biggest flaw. It’s just so obviously not even trying, and that’s what’s so aggravating! All the main characters are built up in about 5 minutes, if that, and then the rest is basically this: “God’s pissed. He’s going to kill us with angels and we have to protect this woman to live, got it?” I’m sorry, and it isn’t that I’m a strong Christian or anything, but I frankly would be embarrassed to have a movie this bad closely associated with my faith.
This movie is dumb, redundant, bland, haphazardly written and just doesn’t make for a good time. I actually have a friend that loves bad movies like this for joking purposes, and HE was evening cursing the director’s name at the end. That just tells you how much of a miss this movie was. It missed the point completely, and honestly I can’t even call it a movie worth renting.

Gentlemen Broncos

You know what 2009 was really lacking to me? A hilarious comedy. I mean looking back on the last few years I feel every year had a comedy that just stuck with people. 2007 was all about "Super Bad", 2008 was "Tropic Thunder", but what was 2009? I guess you could say "The Hangover", but I'd like to briefly gloss over that one. And I can because this is my site. To me yes "The Hangover" was funny, I liked the story and it was nice to finally get a movie that actually made that tired catch phrase "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," funny again. But honestly, I was a little underwhelmed, I liked it, but it wasn't very memorable to me. I just felt that while it was entertaining, a few of the jokes fell flat and it just seemed kind of forced in one or two places. That's why I was looking forward to "Gentlemen Broncos" after I saw the previews, I know I harped about previews in "Clash Of The Titans", but this was one that did it's job. It gave me an idea about the story of the film, it enticed me with a couple jokes, and that's all you need. "Titans" only had special effects going for it, and since they decided to show EVERYTHING in the previews, there really wasn't a point to go to the actual movie, unless you're a critic like me. I mean this movie's preview basically just had Sam Rockwell fighting with lawn ornaments on another planet! It's just silly enough to make me want to see it.
The plot is very basic. A young man writes Science Fiction stories, gets to meet his idol at a work shop, and his idol is an utter tool that promptly steals the boy's latest story as his own. And when I call this guy an utter tool, I mean that he's the most pretentious, vapid, idiotic, vain, unlikeable son of the unholy bitch of douche-dom and the bastard of dill holes. And he's my favorite character. I mean I hate him, but he's one of those guys you just love to hate. He never has anything even remotely redeemable about him, and he is just so hilarious.
It's actually a really good contrast to the protagonist. Who is actually not very talkative, and I think that actually helps the movie. He's supposed to be the meek, unimposing, and tends to just let people walk over him until the end of the movie. But really what makes this character great for me, is that even in his meekness, he still wants to stand up for his story since it was actually meant as something to honor his dead father, which by the way is never overtly said, just subtly implied. And really, that makes a strong character to me. It's honestly compelling to see this guy actually try for the stars at the end, challenging the well known writer with noting but the principle of the matter is just so aw inspiring to see.
That really has a lot to do with the film's point. I mean , comedies these days just always seem to be about tits and ass, but when you actually see a movie try to be funny without them, it's just amazing to see. This script is deep, shallow, smart and yet insanely stupid all at the same time. But what I really like, is that this film is big on the idea of "Show, don't tell!". Like I said, the story was for his father but in seriousness, he's mentioned only once verbally, and the rest of the time Ben just looks at his picture in a way that asks for guidance, and because of that this film actually becomes a coming of age story. However since they never beat you over the head with it, it becomes something new in that regard because, he doesn't need an outside influence, be it a mentor or a love interest or whatever, it's because he loves his father, gets frustrated that the story the really means something to him is being corrupted, and he reaches his breaking point. It's such a nice way to see a story. I have always loved seeing the hero triumph against the odds, but this is literally a film where it seems like everyone is against this guy, and yet he still wins.
Honestly if there is one kind of film that is hardest to review, it's a comedy. Mostly because I try and live off the principle that spoiling is usually wrong unless the person doesn't particularly want to see the film being reviewed, hence why my "Zombieland" review was so short, and because of this, I find comedies especially hard to talk about. It's mostly because they are usually short and I don't like giving too many of the jokes away, but since they make up a big part, I'll just say the jokes are well executed and very very funny.
That said, I just want to assure you that just because I'm not talking page after page about this movie, it is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. It's silly, yet poignant in the right spots. Slow at times, but not dragging. And finally, this movie is just good. I mean really, this is from the guy that did "Napoleon Dynamite" a movie I just can't stand anymore, but "Broncos" I could honestly watch over and over and it'd still be funny, "Dynamite" was just like a one night stand; one big bang and done. Leaves something to be said for effort I guess.