Lunatic’s Top 10 cheesy horror movies

Happy October readers!  The lunatic is back and like numerous critics I’m here to give you a bit of a skinny on horror movies.  Since I’d rather not bog you down with too many details, or spoil things greatly, I’m going to do a series of top ten lists that will hopefully give you some ideas of things to track down on Netflix, or torrent, on and god bless you if this is the case, go to a video store and rent.  That stated let’s get into the first, and honestly my favorite, of the lists:  MY top 10 cheesy horror movies.  Now I feel that maybe I should lay down a little definition here, namely of what a cheesy horror movie is.  In terms of horror movies, Cheese seems to have many many synonyms;  Schlocky, campy, kooky, etc.  For me, it’s definition is pretty straight forward, it’s pretty much a silly, or stupid idea for a movie that has no right to be any good, and most times usually isn’t, but because of any number of reasons it’s just really really entertaining.  Things like old black white 50’s sci fi movies fall neatly into this category, and so naturally with the horror having the restraint of a five year old on a sugar high when it comes to bad ideas, a lot of it’s content does as well, and so since Halloween’s meant to be fun and is best spent with friends, here are what I feel are some of the 10 best movies to watch during this movie that celebrates the lavishly macabre.

10.    Piranha:  No, not the movie that came out last summer, I mean the one from 1978 that was produce by one of the masters of cheese Roger Corman.  I went over his deal back in my list of guilty pleasures so I won’t tan that gent today and instead talk about the film itself.  Basically “Piranha” is one of the literally hundreds of movies that have come into existence thanks to the massive success of “Jaws”.  Admittedly, most of these movies are really really bad, though I always find some amusement in them, “Piranha” however, is actually pretty descent.  The premise is that of two people that are looking for missing persons in an area and in the process they unleash a giant school of piranha into a river and it proceed to wreak havoc and it’s up to our two heroes to stop them.  The movie actually has some pretty good effect for the time and most especially on the budget that is clearly limiting.  It has some memorable performances from B movie icons like Kevin McCarthy (Invasion of the Body Snatchers) and Dick Miller (Gremlins 1 & 2, Bucket of Blood, The Howling, the guy gets around.)  It’s also well directed by Joe Dante who later went on to make things like “Gremlins” and several other projects that were actually pretty good, though not well known.  The movie was a pretty good hit for what it was and spawned a sequel “Piranha 2: The Spawning” (James ‘Aliens, Terminator’ Cameron’s first movie as a director.  Seriously.)  which isn’t that good, but still fun to watch, as well as two remakes.  As far as “Jaws” knock offs go this one pretty much stands out as the best, and I highly recommend it for those looking for a fun time.

9. The Blob.  This entry is a two for as I think both versions of  “The Blob” are very good.  The plot is basically the same in both movies, a mound of alien slime comes down in a meteor and starts to devour the people of a small town, getting bigger and bigger the more it consumes.  The only people that know it at first are a group of teenagers that no one believes until it’s too late.  Both movies have really good casts, the remake notably having one of the first roles of Shawnee Smith, better known as Amanda from the “Saw” movies. (I still can’t decide if that was a step up or down for her career after this.)  The original was also one of Steve McQueen’s earliest roles and it actually showcases the kind of charisma that he was known for in his later roles, which if you’re a film buff like me this is just fascinating.  But we’re talking about cheesiness and each of these movies has their own version of it.  The original’s charm really comes from the primitive effects and how they can be simultaneously impressive and yet laughable as it seriously looks like the actors are being chased by a giant mass of jell-o most of the movie, and the remakes comes from the fact that it is extremely over the top with the violence and gore.  I personally prefer the original version for it’s more interesting character and fun, dated dialogue, but the remake is worth a look too.  Take your pick, or even better, double feature!  It’s Halloween dammit!  Live a little!

8. Killer Klowns from Outer Space.  This movie really shouldn’t need much explanation; it’s about killer aliens that resemble demonic clowns coming to earth to feed on humans.  That’s really it, they use all different kinds of over the top weapons and methods and it’s just a silly good time.  Yeah the movie is stupid, but honestly, are you really expecting much from something called “Killer Klowns from Outer Space”?  Honestly if this movie wasn’t over the top and silly I would have been more disappointed.  Bottom line, this is pure unadulterated fun and I can’t recommend it enough especially if beer and a good sense of humor is involved in your movie nights.

7. Return to Horror High.  No, this is not a sequel to anything, I thought the same thing when I first stumbled across this one in the used DVD section of my local record store and I figured with a cast that includes an early George Clooney and a post Brady Bunch Maureen McCormick, how could this not be cheesy awesome fun?  And it is, oh god it is.  This movie knows exactly what it is and loves to play with the fact that it’s a movie, by having the plot being a movie about making the movie while making a bunch of not entirely unwarranted jabs at the then prominent slasher genre.  (oh for the days where something that was cheesy fun wasn’t buried by shit like “Hostel” and “Saw”.)  It’s kind of like the little movie that could.  It knows what it is and it lets loose, all the jokes work and when it lets in the horror elements they work for the most part too, making the humor that much funnier.  I paid about $5 used for this and it was worth every penny, and it makes me wonder if Clooney remembers this.  Funny how a lot of well known actors start out in horror movies isn’t it?

6. Jason Goes To Hell.  Yeah, it was kind of inevitable that a Friday the 13^th movie would end up on here, I mean they live off of the cheese factor they have, and I really feel that this one is the funniest.  Jason gets blown up by special forces in the opening and most of the plot centers around him going around possessing people in the hopes of finding a host that can fully resurrect him.  All the while he is being chased by a some what insane bounty hunter, who for the record, is the most awesome character ever in the franchise.  It’s got a lot of hysterical lines and some fun over the top acting and when I feel like seeing Jason hack his way through teenagers, I grab this movie.  Hell it one of the earlier movies that my favorite effects house, KNB, worked on and they did some very nice work here.  If you must see on of the Jason movies, I highly recommend this one, it’s one of the more interesting and entertaining ones.

5. Dr. Giggles.  Now, if you just want a straight forward one off slasher, “Dr. Giggles” is your movie.  It has an over the top killer played by the awesome Larry Drake (remember him from “Darkman”?) and it has some very creative kills and a lot of clichés played for laugh in what amounts to the perfect tongue and cheek style slasher.  There really isn’t much more to say, this is one of the better slasher and if you don’t take it too seriously it’s a lot of fun, check it out.

4. Motel Hell.  The movie that had the desire to try and be what essentially amounts to a spoof of the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and damned if this movie isn’t funny!  It’s a really dark kind of humor, but it all works.  The plot is basically a girl is in a car crash and is saved but slowly starts to learn that her saviors aren’t exactly all there upstairs, especially in there obsession with their home made Bar-B-Que and it’s “secret” ingredient.  This is probably one of the most quotable movies on the list, most especially the line that became the film’s tagline:  “Takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s Fritters!”  I love this movie and the DVD comes packaged with a really good psychological thriller called “Deranged” and I highly recommend snagging it up, you won’t be disappointed.

3. The Night Stalker/The Night Strangler.  Another double movie DVD and what basically amounts to a two movie pilot for one of my favorite TV Shows of all time;  “Kolchak: The Night Stalker.” In which, Darren “dad from ‘A Christmas Story’” McGavin plays Carl Kolchak, an investigative journalist that has a knack for always ending up stumbling onto stories involving the supernatural.  These movies, and later the show, have been acknowledged as one of the biggest influences “X Files” creator Chris Carter had when planning out that show and you can see it’s influence watching it now.  Also, aside from being just a hoot and a well executed, if slightly tired premise, the night stalker movies make for a fun watch as Kolchak gets in way over his head again and again and must rely on his cunning and dumb luck to make it out alive.  The movies have a notably darker tone than the TV shows, mostly because they were originally meant as one off movies and only spawned the show because the movies were giant ratings generators.  “The Night Stalker” follows Carl as he tracks down a vampire in Las Vegas, and “The Night Strangler” was basically the same movie except with an alchemist in Seattle.  Both were written by the awesome Richard Matheson and McGavin just owns the role of Kolchak.  Well worth the watch, and a lot of fun around this time of year.

2. The Stuff.  This movie is about sentient killer ice cream trying to take over the world.  I’m serious, that’s the plot.  Would you believe me if I said that the movie is actually really good?  I know, I wouldn’t believe me either but seriously, this movie is just great.  It’s basically a weird hybrid of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” and the previously mentioned “The Blob”.  It has a solid cast and relishes in good social satire about marketing and American commercialism in the 80’s.  I mean where else do you get to see Paulie from “Goodfellas” take flamethrowers to a giant glob of Hagaan Dais ice cream?  That’s just too awesome to miss.

1. Night of the Creeps.  I’m not going to beat around the bush, this movie is amazing.  It’s one of those movies that you can tell everyone involved took the ludicrous material 100% seriously, not only that had fun making the actual movie and it just one of those things that really really shouldn’t work but in a strange way does.  The premise is that in the 1950’s, an alien parasite gets released on Earth (really.)  and infects a young frat boy who is then put into cryogenic storage until the 80’s when a couple of frat pledges inadvertently let him out and release the parasite out to the campus.  (really.)  It’s up to a hard edged detective, a co-ed, and her dorky love interest to kill the alien menace and save the world as we know it.  I have no words folks, this is B movie awesomeness at its finest.  It’s just a really impressive well made movie and has basically served as inspiration for a lot of other movies down the line, most notably the equally fun 2006 film “Slither” (Nathan Fillion versus a giant carnivorous slug monster, enough said.)  This is just one of those movies that’s sadly become a forgotten classic and I just can’t recommend it enough.  It’s well written, well directed and just a ton of fun.  Find it!  The DVD is loaded with extras and isn’t that expensive, it’s just an all around fun time.

This concludes this list, but fear not!  I shall return with a list of the top 10 horror movie I feel don’t get quite the attention they should next time.  Until then, this is the cinema lunatic saying Happy Halloween!