Hey there my faithful followers! The Cinema Lunatic is back and I apologize for my long absence. But enough of that, let’s talk about one of my favorite guilty pleasures, the slasher movie. God these were great in the 80’s. They had some nice kill scenes, usually had some very pretty girls, and a ridiculous enough plot that I actually laugh yet secretly admire how they take something so stupid and make you want to see it to the end.
But sadly we have entered the Dark Age, and boy am I sad. Basically in the 80’s there were a bunch of pretty interesting entries to the genre like “The Burning” or “Happy Birthday to Me”, and even things like “April Fool’s Day” or the original “Prom Night”, then sadly due to gross over saturation it became a bit of a joke and “Scream” came out, and it was basically a slasher that made fun of the clichés that had been created and then, well, that was it. All the slashers that have come out since then have been jokes, really bad jokes. Either we get shitty remakes of classics, like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” or the up coming remake of “A Nightmare on Elm Street”(seriously even with Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy, it ain’t gonna hold a candle and you know it!), or things that hardly try like “I Know What You Did Last Summer” and its sequels. Some decent ones have come out on video like “American Nightmare” but we have yet to see a really good one come main stream to theaters in a long time. That is until last summer, which I regretfully admit I missed out on until it came to DVD.
Yes, a movie called “Sorority Row” is actually something that I found whole heartedly to be one of the most well done of the genre since “Scream” started the trend of just saying its all been done and we should just poke fun at it. It’s a bit jarring because I actually did specifically rent this to make fun of and bash on it, but the more I watched it, the more I started to like it. The film encompasses all that I dig about slashers and yet it doesn’t really seem to care about the clichés, it knows what it is and because of that just focuses on being a lot of fun to watch which has always been the point of the genre to me.
The plot is a rip off of, well almost every slasher movie, ever. A prank goes wrong and some one gets killed, so the main characters try to cover it up and then later it comes back to bite them in the ass and they get killed in increasing elaborate ways. That’s all you really need for a slasher. Nothing overly deep or insightful, just good gory fun. In this case it has to do with a sorority and the main characters are sisters of said. It does start off as a joke, but it doesn’t try to be too serious about it’s self and that is a nice change of pace to the slashers out there that still want to try and be. The plot has a bunch of holes, but it’s so much fun to watch that it doesn’t bother me, and shouldn’t bother you. Plus, for once a slasher actually had a well executed twist. It’s not great, you could either see it coming if you really think about it, or just think it was out of place, but it’s so well done that it actually does get props from me, mostly because it’s like “The Prowler” or original (yes original, there was one) “My Bloody Valentine”. They had twists that really didn’t make a ton of sense, but damn they were jarring and here it is equally so.
I have to say that the cast knew that this was just fun. They play frat boys and sorority girls so well it’s kind of admirable. They back stab and bitch and moan so much that it grates your nerves, yet I found always find some endearing quality in most of them. The majority of them know that what they did was wrong so they lament, but are afraid that the consequences would cause massive rifts in there lives, it’s selfish but at the same time I can’t think of anyone that wouldn’t think the same, even if only for a second. The director like I’ve said already, knew what he was making and decided that he would just try to make the best slasher in a long time. So while they have unlikeable traits, a lot of them, you never hate them enough to actually want them to see them die. So in that way a bit of suspense is achieved and a nice amount of fun can be had with if not really scary a couple of jumps can happen.
Then there is the make up effects, and I’m going to come out and say it: God I’m glad most of the gore effects in this movie were practical! I’m sorry for those who love the hell out of CGI, I have moments where I have to admit there was no other way, but it was so nice to see a horror movie that actually wanted to try and show really things like a girl getting a wine bottle shoved down her throat. In these movies, if it isn’t actually happening in front of the camera, what’s the fucking point? I’ll admit they do spice them up with some arterial spray here and there that is clearly CG, but the actually effect is still enough to get me excited to see that there are still people out there that are trying to practice the tried and true techniques of Tom Savini and Dick Smith, and that make me a happy reviewer.
Overall, I have nothing much left to say about this movie. I highly recommend it if you like horror films, especially slashers. It’s fun, dark, and if you’re like me, a nice thing to see. It goes back to what I said about “Zombieland” this a movie that knew what it was, didn’t try to be anything else, and just had fun with it. And to me, that’s truly what makes movies of this kind enjoyable. Is it good? No, not in the least. Is it scary? Not really, unless blood scares you. No this is just the perfect movie for a night of pizza, beer and friends on a Saturday. A highly recommended rental to say the least in my opinion. Come on, it has Carrie Fisher (You know, Princess Leia) swearing, drinking like a fish and packing a fucking shot gun! That alone deserves to be watched!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Gamer
Ok, I have no witty hook for this review. This movie is shit! It's the lowest of the low! From now on when ever I need an example of exactly how to make a movie into a giant piece of shit, I can refer to fucking "Gamer". Seriously, as pissed as I got about things like "The Final Destination" or "Pandorum", "Gamer" completely eclipses both of them even if they were able to fuck and have a grotesquely deformed shitty movie of a child.
Where do you start with this short bus of a movie? How about the action sequences, seeing as it's supposed to be a action movie. This movie is a perfect example of the kind of the stuff that makes action movies not fun at all these days, and it comes from two things: Shaky camera, and mega choppy editing. I don't mean choppy like there's a cut every few seconds, I mean that nearly every second of footage has a cut. This combined with the shaky camera work, which I'm able to normally forgive because the frenzy of an action scene, makes these actions scenes unwatchable. Don't believe me? While watching this movie I never had any idea who was getting shot or shot at, who was dying, or why the fuck I should even care. Maybe I just don't have the massive attention span or brain power needed to understand this, but I still think if you can take something that's normally as cool as a gun battle and make it dull and uninteresting you have failed!
The special effects are just lazy and make all the bright images and race tracks from "Speed Racer" look reserved by comparison. That's all I'm going to say because trying to think back on some of these effects with the shitty editing throughout this movie, I go into an epileptic fit and pass out.
The plot is the only thing that has potential in this movie, it fucks it up of course, but all the same I have to give credit where credit is due. It's about a Dystopian future where gamers have gotten so tired of playing characters that are made of ones and zeros and want to fuck around with real people. They do so by way of nano bots being implanted into the brains of the "in game" characters and the people playing them can control them I guess through some kind of motion capture thing, it's never really that well explained. They play these people via two kinds of games, one is basically a jab at things like "Second Life" and "The Sims" called "Society" and the other is "Slayers", the "HALO" rip off. The concept of "Slayers" is that all the controllable people are death row inmates and if they live through 30 battles, they get a full pardon. Of course the developer is evil and wants to use the nano technology to rule the world and the most popular "character" of "Slayers" has dirt on him that can screw the pooch on the whole deal. and that's really where it stops being comprehend-able. The rest is about the character's wife and child and it ends up that evil guy has his daughter somehow. There are plot holes out the ass in this concept and while I won't torture you with all of them, I will point out two of the more glaring ones. First, the concept of a gladiator game using death row inmates is not really that plausible. Think about it, the death penalty is one of the biggest hot button issues out there and I doubt that even in a Dystopian future that look like it has a government very similar to present day you'll be able to get someone to sign off on basically making the prisoners dance like monkeys before they blow each other away with big guns. Second, the control the nano stuff has on people varies as the plot sees fit so when they say that the players have full control in one scene, in another they show that if the "character" wills it or is pissed enough they can fight against it. On top of that, this movie is basically saying that there are people willing to submit to mind control! It makes no sense and makes one angry.
The performances suck. They just suck. Gerard Butler is barely audible half the time and I spent so much time during the movie just trying to hear what he's say before just giving up and shouting "This. Is. SPARTA!!!!" to make myself happy again. His wife is meh, under used and poorly acted. The kid that plays his controller is as annoyingly painful as having Jigsaw tie you down and rub a cheese grater on your face and pouring rubbing alcohol on it for good measure. There are little cameos from John Leguizamo and John De Lancie, they have very little screen time and can walk away with their dignity. They also seem to be the only ones that actually try to make this seem realistic. But the biggest cock slap is this movie got Micheal C. Hall from "Dexter" to play the villain, and it turns him into a more over the top than a cartoon kind of bond villain reject type that seem to plague the action genre these days! It doesn't even seem like Hall is really trying, but I'm just going to think that it's more he just saw a good pay check and went through the motions because he's definitely a much better actor than this.
But I have to say I think the thing that pissed me off most about this movie is how utterly fucking childish it is. The final battle with the villain start with, and I'm not kidding here, the villain controlling a bunch of thugs in a rendition of some knock off of "West Side Story". I'm sorry, how is that menacing? I mean I know there there are villains that do silly things, but usually it's related to the character's personal interest and it's usually a lot more threatening! This is just stupid! However the thing that pissed me off more than anything, the ultimate statement that the directors and writers of this piece of shit have the intellect of fucking 12 year olds are the segments that show off "Society". It's, I think, supposed to be some "deep" message about how in games like "The Sims" the players are just sadistic and perverted and treat the in game avatars like shit. So in them we have moments of people being controlled to run into walls and crash skate boards. Then you have all the nudity. I'm going to say even as a heterosexual 23 year old male that enjoys the occasional shot of bare breasts in a movie, this movie had far too many tits in it. I'm serious, in the space of about a minute there are about 5 different pairs exposed on screen and it's really annoying, plus, really with the internet it's a bit of a wasted effort. It's like the movie is going "I know I suck, but the guys gotta like me because I have lots of boobs!". They can't hide behind the poor argument that it's supposed to be people going drunk with the power of controlling someone else because they always put them right in the middle of the frame! Clearly they are trying to bring attention to it!
This is without doubt one of the absolute worst fucking pieces of horse shit claiming to be a movie that I've seen in a long time. I rented this for about $2 plus tax and I feel dirty and want my money back as well as the hour and a half of my life that was wasted! It's horrible and I cannot stress enough that people should not see it.
Where do you start with this short bus of a movie? How about the action sequences, seeing as it's supposed to be a action movie. This movie is a perfect example of the kind of the stuff that makes action movies not fun at all these days, and it comes from two things: Shaky camera, and mega choppy editing. I don't mean choppy like there's a cut every few seconds, I mean that nearly every second of footage has a cut. This combined with the shaky camera work, which I'm able to normally forgive because the frenzy of an action scene, makes these actions scenes unwatchable. Don't believe me? While watching this movie I never had any idea who was getting shot or shot at, who was dying, or why the fuck I should even care. Maybe I just don't have the massive attention span or brain power needed to understand this, but I still think if you can take something that's normally as cool as a gun battle and make it dull and uninteresting you have failed!
The special effects are just lazy and make all the bright images and race tracks from "Speed Racer" look reserved by comparison. That's all I'm going to say because trying to think back on some of these effects with the shitty editing throughout this movie, I go into an epileptic fit and pass out.
The plot is the only thing that has potential in this movie, it fucks it up of course, but all the same I have to give credit where credit is due. It's about a Dystopian future where gamers have gotten so tired of playing characters that are made of ones and zeros and want to fuck around with real people. They do so by way of nano bots being implanted into the brains of the "in game" characters and the people playing them can control them I guess through some kind of motion capture thing, it's never really that well explained. They play these people via two kinds of games, one is basically a jab at things like "Second Life" and "The Sims" called "Society" and the other is "Slayers", the "HALO" rip off. The concept of "Slayers" is that all the controllable people are death row inmates and if they live through 30 battles, they get a full pardon. Of course the developer is evil and wants to use the nano technology to rule the world and the most popular "character" of "Slayers" has dirt on him that can screw the pooch on the whole deal. and that's really where it stops being comprehend-able. The rest is about the character's wife and child and it ends up that evil guy has his daughter somehow. There are plot holes out the ass in this concept and while I won't torture you with all of them, I will point out two of the more glaring ones. First, the concept of a gladiator game using death row inmates is not really that plausible. Think about it, the death penalty is one of the biggest hot button issues out there and I doubt that even in a Dystopian future that look like it has a government very similar to present day you'll be able to get someone to sign off on basically making the prisoners dance like monkeys before they blow each other away with big guns. Second, the control the nano stuff has on people varies as the plot sees fit so when they say that the players have full control in one scene, in another they show that if the "character" wills it or is pissed enough they can fight against it. On top of that, this movie is basically saying that there are people willing to submit to mind control! It makes no sense and makes one angry.
The performances suck. They just suck. Gerard Butler is barely audible half the time and I spent so much time during the movie just trying to hear what he's say before just giving up and shouting "This. Is. SPARTA!!!!" to make myself happy again. His wife is meh, under used and poorly acted. The kid that plays his controller is as annoyingly painful as having Jigsaw tie you down and rub a cheese grater on your face and pouring rubbing alcohol on it for good measure. There are little cameos from John Leguizamo and John De Lancie, they have very little screen time and can walk away with their dignity. They also seem to be the only ones that actually try to make this seem realistic. But the biggest cock slap is this movie got Micheal C. Hall from "Dexter" to play the villain, and it turns him into a more over the top than a cartoon kind of bond villain reject type that seem to plague the action genre these days! It doesn't even seem like Hall is really trying, but I'm just going to think that it's more he just saw a good pay check and went through the motions because he's definitely a much better actor than this.
But I have to say I think the thing that pissed me off most about this movie is how utterly fucking childish it is. The final battle with the villain start with, and I'm not kidding here, the villain controlling a bunch of thugs in a rendition of some knock off of "West Side Story". I'm sorry, how is that menacing? I mean I know there there are villains that do silly things, but usually it's related to the character's personal interest and it's usually a lot more threatening! This is just stupid! However the thing that pissed me off more than anything, the ultimate statement that the directors and writers of this piece of shit have the intellect of fucking 12 year olds are the segments that show off "Society". It's, I think, supposed to be some "deep" message about how in games like "The Sims" the players are just sadistic and perverted and treat the in game avatars like shit. So in them we have moments of people being controlled to run into walls and crash skate boards. Then you have all the nudity. I'm going to say even as a heterosexual 23 year old male that enjoys the occasional shot of bare breasts in a movie, this movie had far too many tits in it. I'm serious, in the space of about a minute there are about 5 different pairs exposed on screen and it's really annoying, plus, really with the internet it's a bit of a wasted effort. It's like the movie is going "I know I suck, but the guys gotta like me because I have lots of boobs!". They can't hide behind the poor argument that it's supposed to be people going drunk with the power of controlling someone else because they always put them right in the middle of the frame! Clearly they are trying to bring attention to it!
This is without doubt one of the absolute worst fucking pieces of horse shit claiming to be a movie that I've seen in a long time. I rented this for about $2 plus tax and I feel dirty and want my money back as well as the hour and a half of my life that was wasted! It's horrible and I cannot stress enough that people should not see it.
From Paris With Love
Is there a guy on earth that doesn't get a kick out of action movies? I mean they're fun and have lots of cool things like explosions and car chases and other manly things. However I must admit that this particular genre has fallen into the trap of, well, sucking pretty hard in the last few years with only a few gems like “Live Free or Die Hard” and some of the Marvel adaptations being reminders of why this genre is popular in the first place, especially if they are actually trying to have a coherent story. Yes, it seems that I have to put on my movie geek hat and say that more is being done in foreign venues than here in the states, but I can’t help what’s true. It’s partially why I’ve been fond of French made action films, since usually they have more interesting locations, better style, interesting action and fun characters. Though, there are exceptions to that particular idea.
And so we come to “From Paris with Love”, a buddy action film from the French film makers that gave us “Taken”, which despite a couple plot holes that were fairly glaring, I felt was fairly well crafted for a good little action/revenge flick, and though I had little knowledge of “with Love” before I saw it, I was at least hoping for something entertaining, if not entirely good. Did I get what I asked for? No.
To be fair the film has one redeeming factor to it, and that’s John Travolta playing the main bad ass of the movie Charlie Wax. He is so delightfully quirky and over the top in his part that it was the only thing that made me keep watching the rest of the flick to see what he’d do next. He was cool and methodical, but could have his berserk-er moments of flat out ass kicking and there’s even a bit of fan service in the form of a Royale with cheese he munches on at one point. Too bad all the other performances suck the big one. Jonathan Rhys Meyer’s character was very forgettable even though I have to admit he is able to get the job done by playing a good straight man type trying to cope with Travolta’s volatile nature, I still found him bland and uninteresting.
That was another thing that kind of put me off, most buddy films, especially buddy action flicks like this, rely on pretty precise chemistry between the two actors. It's a give and take thing because, when it comes down to it, there's one by the books neat and tidy type, and then there's the lose cannon with poor hygiene, they hate each other at first but something has to keep them together and then they grow to be a powerhouse team, but you have to have the reason they stay together make sense. While Travolta and Meyers play fairly well off each other, there is enough of a lack to break any connection the characters may have, and the audience is left wondering why Meyers wants to continue to put up with Travolta’s behavior much longer than the first couple of scenes, the only reason we get is that he wants to be an agent and this is the only thing he can do to achieve that... So you're telling me the NSA makes all people that want to be agents deal with a crazy bald guy that's trying to kick some serious terrorist ass, while basically putting your life in danger because he needs a guy to basically be used as bait? Seems like it's be easier to just keep being the nerdy ambassador's aide!
I haven’t even started on the stupidly vague and changing plot. At first it’s mentioned that Travolta, an NSA agent, is there to bring down a huge drug cartel. Ok, this is good action movie fodder, many others have had a lot of success with this concept. Then out of nowhere he tells Meyers that it was never about the drugs, despite the fact he is very adamant that it’s drugs for about 10 minutes of the movie, and it’s suddenly all about stopping a terrorist attack. This is still a good action plot, but it’s undermined by the fact that they already had another cliché that was being set up already and then threw it out with a vague line to relate them in that the terrorists are being funded by the drugs... It still hurts my brain to try and figure out a better way to say that.
I digress, when it comes to an action movie, it’s all about the action sequences, are they good, or bad? Here, the answer is bad. There’s way too much shaky camera work, the editing is choppy and they use slow motion shots to cover up the fact that Travolta can’t really do hardcore fight choreography anymore, which was upsetting because I felt his fight with Christian Slater in “Broken Arrow” was one of the best of the ‘90s and seeing him turned into someone that needs slow motion to beat people up, it was depressing to say the least. The only good sequence is in the end of the film where there is a pretty well done car chase, but it’s most definitely too little too late. I was just so unenthusiastic with these sequences that I found myself looking at my watch to see how much longer I had to sit through this monotonous pile of shit.
Overall, this is an action film that really just tries way, way too hard to be a drama. Something like that can work in a film like “Taken”, where the motivation is more personal. Here, they try and put in a very bad twist to make it more dramatic, but overall, the action is dull, the characters don’t really work together, the plot does more 180’s than I think is appropriate and it all boils down to a fairly mediocre experience that I wouldn’t even recommend as a rental.
And so we come to “From Paris with Love”, a buddy action film from the French film makers that gave us “Taken”, which despite a couple plot holes that were fairly glaring, I felt was fairly well crafted for a good little action/revenge flick, and though I had little knowledge of “with Love” before I saw it, I was at least hoping for something entertaining, if not entirely good. Did I get what I asked for? No.
To be fair the film has one redeeming factor to it, and that’s John Travolta playing the main bad ass of the movie Charlie Wax. He is so delightfully quirky and over the top in his part that it was the only thing that made me keep watching the rest of the flick to see what he’d do next. He was cool and methodical, but could have his berserk-er moments of flat out ass kicking and there’s even a bit of fan service in the form of a Royale with cheese he munches on at one point. Too bad all the other performances suck the big one. Jonathan Rhys Meyer’s character was very forgettable even though I have to admit he is able to get the job done by playing a good straight man type trying to cope with Travolta’s volatile nature, I still found him bland and uninteresting.
That was another thing that kind of put me off, most buddy films, especially buddy action flicks like this, rely on pretty precise chemistry between the two actors. It's a give and take thing because, when it comes down to it, there's one by the books neat and tidy type, and then there's the lose cannon with poor hygiene, they hate each other at first but something has to keep them together and then they grow to be a powerhouse team, but you have to have the reason they stay together make sense. While Travolta and Meyers play fairly well off each other, there is enough of a lack to break any connection the characters may have, and the audience is left wondering why Meyers wants to continue to put up with Travolta’s behavior much longer than the first couple of scenes, the only reason we get is that he wants to be an agent and this is the only thing he can do to achieve that... So you're telling me the NSA makes all people that want to be agents deal with a crazy bald guy that's trying to kick some serious terrorist ass, while basically putting your life in danger because he needs a guy to basically be used as bait? Seems like it's be easier to just keep being the nerdy ambassador's aide!
I haven’t even started on the stupidly vague and changing plot. At first it’s mentioned that Travolta, an NSA agent, is there to bring down a huge drug cartel. Ok, this is good action movie fodder, many others have had a lot of success with this concept. Then out of nowhere he tells Meyers that it was never about the drugs, despite the fact he is very adamant that it’s drugs for about 10 minutes of the movie, and it’s suddenly all about stopping a terrorist attack. This is still a good action plot, but it’s undermined by the fact that they already had another cliché that was being set up already and then threw it out with a vague line to relate them in that the terrorists are being funded by the drugs... It still hurts my brain to try and figure out a better way to say that.
I digress, when it comes to an action movie, it’s all about the action sequences, are they good, or bad? Here, the answer is bad. There’s way too much shaky camera work, the editing is choppy and they use slow motion shots to cover up the fact that Travolta can’t really do hardcore fight choreography anymore, which was upsetting because I felt his fight with Christian Slater in “Broken Arrow” was one of the best of the ‘90s and seeing him turned into someone that needs slow motion to beat people up, it was depressing to say the least. The only good sequence is in the end of the film where there is a pretty well done car chase, but it’s most definitely too little too late. I was just so unenthusiastic with these sequences that I found myself looking at my watch to see how much longer I had to sit through this monotonous pile of shit.
Overall, this is an action film that really just tries way, way too hard to be a drama. Something like that can work in a film like “Taken”, where the motivation is more personal. Here, they try and put in a very bad twist to make it more dramatic, but overall, the action is dull, the characters don’t really work together, the plot does more 180’s than I think is appropriate and it all boils down to a fairly mediocre experience that I wouldn’t even recommend as a rental.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Zombieland
If there was one movie I regret not going to in 2009, it was fucking “Zombieland”! Come on, a zombie fan like me missing a movie called “Zombieland”? it’s a sin I tell ya!
Well, have no fear, I have done my time. And here’s a real non shocker: “ZOMBIELAND” IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!
I really can’t find another way to describe it. It’s a movie with guns, humor, zombies, good acting, and it opens with one of the best opening credit sequences ever! You really can’t top a slow motion credits sequence of people being chased by zombies with Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls” in the background. It really puts you in the right mood for the rest of the film and you know you’re in for something epic.
What I have always said makes a really good zombie movie is good characters. “Shaun Of the Dead” was the perfect example of this and it could make the funny scenes funnier and the horror scenes that much more horrifying because you’ve gotten to like the characters. “Zombieland” is another perfect example of this. It’s got an ensemble cast that has some of the best onscreen chemistry. The performances from Woody Harrelson and company are just spot on with just the right amount of those fun little quirks that make you like them.
Not to mention the writing is top notch. I mean I thought this movie was going to be really silly, yet fun, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that this movie actually has a lot of love and effort behind it. The jokes and just general sense of humor are all surprisingly well thought out and not just low brow.
And as if this movie really gets something just right in spades, it's action and horror elements are just so well done, the action is actually exciting and the horror elements are actually pretty suspenseful. It may seem weird to think that is a big deal for an action horror comedy, but it really is when you look at some of the movies that are coming out and it's nice to see one that actually is exciting, funny and nail biting all at the same time.
It’s hard to find something that I don’t like about this movie. It’s just one of those perfect fun little movies. I highly recommend it to anyone that wants to have a good time watching a movie. Not just a highly recommended rental, but a highly recommended purchase.
Well, have no fear, I have done my time. And here’s a real non shocker: “ZOMBIELAND” IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!
I really can’t find another way to describe it. It’s a movie with guns, humor, zombies, good acting, and it opens with one of the best opening credit sequences ever! You really can’t top a slow motion credits sequence of people being chased by zombies with Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls” in the background. It really puts you in the right mood for the rest of the film and you know you’re in for something epic.
What I have always said makes a really good zombie movie is good characters. “Shaun Of the Dead” was the perfect example of this and it could make the funny scenes funnier and the horror scenes that much more horrifying because you’ve gotten to like the characters. “Zombieland” is another perfect example of this. It’s got an ensemble cast that has some of the best onscreen chemistry. The performances from Woody Harrelson and company are just spot on with just the right amount of those fun little quirks that make you like them.
Not to mention the writing is top notch. I mean I thought this movie was going to be really silly, yet fun, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that this movie actually has a lot of love and effort behind it. The jokes and just general sense of humor are all surprisingly well thought out and not just low brow.
And as if this movie really gets something just right in spades, it's action and horror elements are just so well done, the action is actually exciting and the horror elements are actually pretty suspenseful. It may seem weird to think that is a big deal for an action horror comedy, but it really is when you look at some of the movies that are coming out and it's nice to see one that actually is exciting, funny and nail biting all at the same time.
It’s hard to find something that I don’t like about this movie. It’s just one of those perfect fun little movies. I highly recommend it to anyone that wants to have a good time watching a movie. Not just a highly recommended rental, but a highly recommended purchase.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Pandorum
Ok, I have to not quite confess something here, I love "Alien". I love that movie's concept so much that I even mostly love all the shameless rip offs it has had so far. It's just fun to see a movie in space with monsters chasing people. It's fun, can sometimes actually be a bit suspenseful and usually puts me in a happy mood.
Now, I've told you all this so you get an idea about how hard a movie has to actually try to make me say something like this: "I FUCKING HATE THIS MOVIE!!!" I'm dead serious. This has to be one of the most slow paced, idiotic, intelligence insulting pieces of shit that I've seen in a long time.
The plot, or rather what this movie likes to call a plot, is the two members of a flight crew carrying a large amount of people to colonize a new planet wake up from hyper sleep, don't know what's going on, and stuff happens... That's really all I can say. I mean, there are weird looking cannibal things that the crew has to run away from, and there are a few vague references to this form of dementia called, surprise surprise, pandorum, but really that's all I can sum it up as, stuff happens.
I think this movie's biggest problem is mostly that it tries to have you discover things with the characters, but really this is killed by the supporting cast being, and this is not a joke, an Asian guy that never speaks English and a female character that is never named and is pretty much just as in the dark as the main character and the audience. So in other words, the screenwriter and director were trying to have the audience learn what has happened with the main character instead of full on telling us, but then forgot to actually follow through and give us a reason for any of it.
Another thing that annoyed me is that this movie has a twist at the end, but it's so freaking lame it doesn't even deserve me swearing about it. It gets set up early on, but they hint at it so much that I wanted to track down the film makers and say "We get it!" very loud into their ears. Some subtle hints here and there that no one pays attention to during the movie is what makes a good twist. This just feels like the director had brain damage and kept saying, "Duh, I'm being too subtle. no one will ever know, let's add more!"
The performances are also pretty bad. Ben Foster does ok, all his character has to do is look confused so he just needs to look at the script and there you go. The female lead, who's name was Nadia but I never heard mentioned in the movie so I'll just call her female lead, speaks only in cryptic cliches and vague sexual tensions. And rounding it out is Dennis Somehow I Have a Career Still Quaid, and well, he's not terrible, but it's still pretty bad. I have to admit when he first woke up and was looking around like "where the hell am I?" was pretty funny because I imagined he was wondering how he's gotten into something like this.
The cannibal creatures are probably the only saving graces in this, and really they're still pretty lame. The only reason I enjoyed seeing them is that I kept holding out hope they'd catch the protagonists and eat them so this movie could finally be over. They look like if the cave dwellers from "The Descent" knocked up one of the aliens from the "The X Files", so in other words, nothing really original what so ever.
This movie was just such a disappointment. It took one of the few simple, yet proven formulas that still hasn't completely gotten as stale as last week's bread and actually fucked it up. I haven't got much more to say about it. It's stupid, goes too slow and by the end of the movie I was left saying what the fuck just happened. I watched the bonus features on the DVD and found out that this movie started out as two different scripts at the same studio so somehow it was decided that both movies should be turned into one, and in my mind I'm thinking that means one studio head went nuts with the cut and paste tools in Microsoft Word. It's the only way I can explain this movies random nature. I mean, as much as I bitched about "The Final Destination", that movie actually entertained me more than this. Yes, it's true. A sequel that was so creatively bankrupt it may as well have been a remake was better than this. Keep that in mind when you're in the video store and thinking you want to rent this.
Now, I've told you all this so you get an idea about how hard a movie has to actually try to make me say something like this: "I FUCKING HATE THIS MOVIE!!!" I'm dead serious. This has to be one of the most slow paced, idiotic, intelligence insulting pieces of shit that I've seen in a long time.
The plot, or rather what this movie likes to call a plot, is the two members of a flight crew carrying a large amount of people to colonize a new planet wake up from hyper sleep, don't know what's going on, and stuff happens... That's really all I can say. I mean, there are weird looking cannibal things that the crew has to run away from, and there are a few vague references to this form of dementia called, surprise surprise, pandorum, but really that's all I can sum it up as, stuff happens.
I think this movie's biggest problem is mostly that it tries to have you discover things with the characters, but really this is killed by the supporting cast being, and this is not a joke, an Asian guy that never speaks English and a female character that is never named and is pretty much just as in the dark as the main character and the audience. So in other words, the screenwriter and director were trying to have the audience learn what has happened with the main character instead of full on telling us, but then forgot to actually follow through and give us a reason for any of it.
Another thing that annoyed me is that this movie has a twist at the end, but it's so freaking lame it doesn't even deserve me swearing about it. It gets set up early on, but they hint at it so much that I wanted to track down the film makers and say "We get it!" very loud into their ears. Some subtle hints here and there that no one pays attention to during the movie is what makes a good twist. This just feels like the director had brain damage and kept saying, "Duh, I'm being too subtle. no one will ever know, let's add more!"
The performances are also pretty bad. Ben Foster does ok, all his character has to do is look confused so he just needs to look at the script and there you go. The female lead, who's name was Nadia but I never heard mentioned in the movie so I'll just call her female lead, speaks only in cryptic cliches and vague sexual tensions. And rounding it out is Dennis Somehow I Have a Career Still Quaid, and well, he's not terrible, but it's still pretty bad. I have to admit when he first woke up and was looking around like "where the hell am I?" was pretty funny because I imagined he was wondering how he's gotten into something like this.
The cannibal creatures are probably the only saving graces in this, and really they're still pretty lame. The only reason I enjoyed seeing them is that I kept holding out hope they'd catch the protagonists and eat them so this movie could finally be over. They look like if the cave dwellers from "The Descent" knocked up one of the aliens from the "The X Files", so in other words, nothing really original what so ever.
This movie was just such a disappointment. It took one of the few simple, yet proven formulas that still hasn't completely gotten as stale as last week's bread and actually fucked it up. I haven't got much more to say about it. It's stupid, goes too slow and by the end of the movie I was left saying what the fuck just happened. I watched the bonus features on the DVD and found out that this movie started out as two different scripts at the same studio so somehow it was decided that both movies should be turned into one, and in my mind I'm thinking that means one studio head went nuts with the cut and paste tools in Microsoft Word. It's the only way I can explain this movies random nature. I mean, as much as I bitched about "The Final Destination", that movie actually entertained me more than this. Yes, it's true. A sequel that was so creatively bankrupt it may as well have been a remake was better than this. Keep that in mind when you're in the video store and thinking you want to rent this.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Book Of Eli
So 2010 has come and with it comes the out pour of new releases of the new year. I'm going to come out and say this right here and now. I don't buy into hype. I very rarely actually go into a movie going: "This is going to be awesome, the previews say so. Hail the almighty previews!" I know not all people react this way to a movie and it's previews, but I can't help but still notice the many people that still leave the theater saying that the previews made it look better. Of course they did! That's what they're supposed to do!
The point I'm making is that though a movie coming out may look pretty good in the previews, it can still suck when you see it. So I went into this movie with no expectation. I was trying to be as neutral as possible so I that I could actually experience the film.
And you know what? This was pretty damn good. I'm serious, but I also have to say this, I can tell that this movie is going to be a you either love it or hate it kind of movie. Some are going to love it for a lot of the reasons I'll get into in a second, and the others will hate it because I'm sure they were expecting something with a faster pace. That said, I was one of it's admirers. It was a great movie going experience and, dare I say it? A movie that actually made me think a little!
The plot of this post apocalyptic story involves a lone man, Denzel Washington, walking across the desolate wasteland that was once America carrying the last remaining Bible on earth. A corrupt leader of a shanty little town community, Gary Oldman, finds out that he has it and realizes that with it he can gain even more power and control over the people.
What really made this movie for me, is the pacing and scope. It's slow, but steady. It never really drags and it gives you the feeling of the wide, barren land scape. The opening is a perfect example because the way it's shot and edited gives you a feeling of isolation and that it's a world of kill or be killed. The sweeping visual moments remind me a little of "Lawrence of Arabia" and give the impression that this movie is nothing short of an epic. Some of the best moments are the fighting and action sequences, which actually go away from the popular trend of rapid cuts and extreme camera angles for simple camera movements that actually add a lot of excitement to them, like a shoot out that's filmed to look like the whole thing is taking place in one, long shot.
The performances are all stellar, with Gary Oldman giving another great villain portrayal, and Washington for the first time in awhile actually gives a performance that makes me feel like he's actually playing someone other than Denzel Washington playing Denzel Washington. But the performances that really impressed me were Jennifer Beals and Mila Kunis as a mother and daughter living with Oldman. Beals has a tragic determination of a mother who'll do anything to protect her daughter and Kunis gives a very surprising performance with a nice vulnerability, but still has a fighting side.
It's so refreshing actually for once see a movie that's not really one specific genre. It has elements of a social commentary, but it also has kick ass action and a nice overall sci-fi story with a bit of a twist that's not super surprising, but I found it to be quite unexpected. I highly recommend this film. It is well worth the price of an admission ticket and even if you don't want to spend the $10 to see it on the big screen, well I foresee a satisfying rental in your future.
The point I'm making is that though a movie coming out may look pretty good in the previews, it can still suck when you see it. So I went into this movie with no expectation. I was trying to be as neutral as possible so I that I could actually experience the film.
And you know what? This was pretty damn good. I'm serious, but I also have to say this, I can tell that this movie is going to be a you either love it or hate it kind of movie. Some are going to love it for a lot of the reasons I'll get into in a second, and the others will hate it because I'm sure they were expecting something with a faster pace. That said, I was one of it's admirers. It was a great movie going experience and, dare I say it? A movie that actually made me think a little!
The plot of this post apocalyptic story involves a lone man, Denzel Washington, walking across the desolate wasteland that was once America carrying the last remaining Bible on earth. A corrupt leader of a shanty little town community, Gary Oldman, finds out that he has it and realizes that with it he can gain even more power and control over the people.
What really made this movie for me, is the pacing and scope. It's slow, but steady. It never really drags and it gives you the feeling of the wide, barren land scape. The opening is a perfect example because the way it's shot and edited gives you a feeling of isolation and that it's a world of kill or be killed. The sweeping visual moments remind me a little of "Lawrence of Arabia" and give the impression that this movie is nothing short of an epic. Some of the best moments are the fighting and action sequences, which actually go away from the popular trend of rapid cuts and extreme camera angles for simple camera movements that actually add a lot of excitement to them, like a shoot out that's filmed to look like the whole thing is taking place in one, long shot.
The performances are all stellar, with Gary Oldman giving another great villain portrayal, and Washington for the first time in awhile actually gives a performance that makes me feel like he's actually playing someone other than Denzel Washington playing Denzel Washington. But the performances that really impressed me were Jennifer Beals and Mila Kunis as a mother and daughter living with Oldman. Beals has a tragic determination of a mother who'll do anything to protect her daughter and Kunis gives a very surprising performance with a nice vulnerability, but still has a fighting side.
It's so refreshing actually for once see a movie that's not really one specific genre. It has elements of a social commentary, but it also has kick ass action and a nice overall sci-fi story with a bit of a twist that's not super surprising, but I found it to be quite unexpected. I highly recommend this film. It is well worth the price of an admission ticket and even if you don't want to spend the $10 to see it on the big screen, well I foresee a satisfying rental in your future.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Final Destination 4 (AKA) THE Final Destination
Ah, New Line. I knew it wouldn't be long before I ended up taking a look at New Line Cinema. A studio known mostly for making films that become huge franchises, like "Nightmare On Elm Street", but that's perhaps for another time. Today I examine one of it's more recent, and probably it's dumbest, franchise installment, "The Final Destination."
Ok first of all, what the fuck is up with that title? Seriously! Everybody knows that this is the forth movie, so why not just call it Final Destination 4? Are they just so ashamed they made 4 sequels that they wanted to trick people into thinking this is the first one? This is a problem that a lot of movie sequels have these days and I'm not the only one that's pointed it out. "Rambo", "Rocky Balboa", "Fast and Furious", all examples of this.
But really I didn't rent this because I thought it was the first one, I knew it was number 4, I just wanted to see why in the hell this movie franchise can exist after one movie! For those not in the know, the plot of "Final Destination" (The real first one, not the 4th one, we'll get to it in a minute.) is a bunch of people are on a plane, one person has a vision about the plane crashing, gets everyone to get off... and the plane actually crashes. However since they weren't supposed to get off the plane, there is a rift in Death's plan, yes THAT Death, and they now must all die in sudden and horrible accidents. I must admit, prior to renting this, I'd only seen the first one cut up on basic cable. But as a horror movie, I have to give the first film credit, it's at least trying something new and can actually sort of, kind of make an entertaining movie out of it. The problem is, the way the movie works means that there really can only be the one movie. Then it made money and the studio started with the sequels. And with each sequel, they basically just remade the first movie with different situations and different people at the start.
Thus we come to the latest, and supposedly final installment. It starts at a NASCAR derby... Let that sink in. One character, Nick for those who really care, has a vision of a terrible crash that kills all of his friends, some other people there, and of course himself. But he has the time to save them and this is starting to sound familiar.
The acting in the movie is, well, terrible would be nice to these people. One is the whiny girl that always just mopes and goes "why us?" through out the whole thing and I seriously could not wait for her to die. There's the asshole, who just likes to go out of his way to be the most unlikable douche in the entire world. Then there is Nick and a security guard that he also rescued from dying. They are both wooden and unbearably annoying. Since the guy playing the security guard is better known as Bubba from "Forrest Gump", that's really tragic. Probably The only character I kind of liked was Nick's girl friend Lori, and I'll admit that at least 100% of why I liked her was that she was really cute looking and didn't whine as much as the other girl. The rest of the cast you just basically want to see die, and the movie is more than happy to give you that.
It's another problem with this series though, the deaths in these movies get more and more elaborate each time and just become flat out silly. In this entry one character is killed by a pool drain, yes a pool drain, that sucks their vital organs out of their ass... I'm not kidding. You have to be pretty creatively bankrupt to try and make an audience buy that, or for that matter try and make them believe you can drown in a car on dry land.
On top of that, it's verbatim the same plot of each of the other movies. Dead serious. If you've seen any of the other films in this franchise, you've seen this one. Which really shows that this was never intended to be a franchise. Actually, I did some snooping and found out it started off as an idea for an "X Files" episode that was then rejected. Considering what actually made it in some of those episodes, that takes some doing. The only thing that sets "Final Destination 4" apart from the other movies is that it was filmed in 3D, the gimmick that won't die.
Originally started in the 50's, 3D was among several gimmicks that Hollywood came up with to compete with the rising popularity of television, which they were fearing would keep people from going to cinemas. Now, history seems to be repeating itself with pirated copies and DVD being the opponent. For this kind of movie though, 3D is good in theory, but on DVD, it's a rental at best and the one I rented was 2D, so the shots of stuff flying at the screen just suck and have no impact other than being corny. It's the same fate that's fallen on films like "Jaws 3D" or "Friday the 13th 3D". It's maybe, possibly fun in theaters, but on video or DVD it's just stupid.
Overall I just watched this for entertainment value, and found none. It's actually really short finishing in at just a little over an hour, I guess I should be thankful. There's no actually plot other than "We're all gonna die!" to pad out the run time so it seems like it isn't just death scenes, which it is. so if you're hoping to find at least enough to make the rental fee worth it, trust me when I say it isn't going to be here.
More from New Line still to come!!!
Ok first of all, what the fuck is up with that title? Seriously! Everybody knows that this is the forth movie, so why not just call it Final Destination 4? Are they just so ashamed they made 4 sequels that they wanted to trick people into thinking this is the first one? This is a problem that a lot of movie sequels have these days and I'm not the only one that's pointed it out. "Rambo", "Rocky Balboa", "Fast and Furious", all examples of this.
But really I didn't rent this because I thought it was the first one, I knew it was number 4, I just wanted to see why in the hell this movie franchise can exist after one movie! For those not in the know, the plot of "Final Destination" (The real first one, not the 4th one, we'll get to it in a minute.) is a bunch of people are on a plane, one person has a vision about the plane crashing, gets everyone to get off... and the plane actually crashes. However since they weren't supposed to get off the plane, there is a rift in Death's plan, yes THAT Death, and they now must all die in sudden and horrible accidents. I must admit, prior to renting this, I'd only seen the first one cut up on basic cable. But as a horror movie, I have to give the first film credit, it's at least trying something new and can actually sort of, kind of make an entertaining movie out of it. The problem is, the way the movie works means that there really can only be the one movie. Then it made money and the studio started with the sequels. And with each sequel, they basically just remade the first movie with different situations and different people at the start.
Thus we come to the latest, and supposedly final installment. It starts at a NASCAR derby... Let that sink in. One character, Nick for those who really care, has a vision of a terrible crash that kills all of his friends, some other people there, and of course himself. But he has the time to save them and this is starting to sound familiar.
The acting in the movie is, well, terrible would be nice to these people. One is the whiny girl that always just mopes and goes "why us?" through out the whole thing and I seriously could not wait for her to die. There's the asshole, who just likes to go out of his way to be the most unlikable douche in the entire world. Then there is Nick and a security guard that he also rescued from dying. They are both wooden and unbearably annoying. Since the guy playing the security guard is better known as Bubba from "Forrest Gump", that's really tragic. Probably The only character I kind of liked was Nick's girl friend Lori, and I'll admit that at least 100% of why I liked her was that she was really cute looking and didn't whine as much as the other girl. The rest of the cast you just basically want to see die, and the movie is more than happy to give you that.
It's another problem with this series though, the deaths in these movies get more and more elaborate each time and just become flat out silly. In this entry one character is killed by a pool drain, yes a pool drain, that sucks their vital organs out of their ass... I'm not kidding. You have to be pretty creatively bankrupt to try and make an audience buy that, or for that matter try and make them believe you can drown in a car on dry land.
On top of that, it's verbatim the same plot of each of the other movies. Dead serious. If you've seen any of the other films in this franchise, you've seen this one. Which really shows that this was never intended to be a franchise. Actually, I did some snooping and found out it started off as an idea for an "X Files" episode that was then rejected. Considering what actually made it in some of those episodes, that takes some doing. The only thing that sets "Final Destination 4" apart from the other movies is that it was filmed in 3D, the gimmick that won't die.
Originally started in the 50's, 3D was among several gimmicks that Hollywood came up with to compete with the rising popularity of television, which they were fearing would keep people from going to cinemas. Now, history seems to be repeating itself with pirated copies and DVD being the opponent. For this kind of movie though, 3D is good in theory, but on DVD, it's a rental at best and the one I rented was 2D, so the shots of stuff flying at the screen just suck and have no impact other than being corny. It's the same fate that's fallen on films like "Jaws 3D" or "Friday the 13th 3D". It's maybe, possibly fun in theaters, but on video or DVD it's just stupid.
Overall I just watched this for entertainment value, and found none. It's actually really short finishing in at just a little over an hour, I guess I should be thankful. There's no actually plot other than "We're all gonna die!" to pad out the run time so it seems like it isn't just death scenes, which it is. so if you're hoping to find at least enough to make the rental fee worth it, trust me when I say it isn't going to be here.
More from New Line still to come!!!
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