Ok, The Oscars are finally out and only now am I actually putting up what I felt were the best from the movies of last year. I haven’t seen all the Oscar nominees yet, but I’ve seen several of them and I’m planning on seeing them all with in the next couple of weeks and I well give you all my two cents about them once I’ve seen all of them, I promise. Until then, here are my top 5 best movies of 2010.
5. Inception.
So yeah, I really liked Inception. I almost don’t want to say much about why I liked this movie though. I mean, it’s one of the best reviewed and highest grossing movies of the year and I have seen it several times. I would almost call it perfect, almost. But I only rank it at five because honestly, I feel that while it is a phenomenally clever movie, and it has some of the most amazing imagery in the cinema, it was still basically the best thinking man’s action movie. Granted, I said it was the best, and there are a lot of the movies that could make that claim, but thanks to the creativeness of it’s action scenes, the well thought script, and the solid chemistry in the cast shoot this movie all the way to the top of the pile and it’s place here at number 5.
4. Shutter Island.
Am I the only one that finds it kind of funny that Leonardo Di Caprio made two movies this year where he played men that were sort of mentally unhinged and had guilt complex involving his dead wife? Anyway, Shutter island, great little movies that I saw that made me fall in love with a single director all over again. To me, Scorsese has made just another movie that shows he doesn’t just have to make high brow dramatic movies. In fact I would say while I always find his movies enjoyable this was highly enjoyable in a different way than normal. I always liked his remake of Cape Fear because it was different from your average thriller, and this movie was no exception. It on the surface feels like just another murder mystery in an exotic location but then it gradually begins to feel more like a haunted house film, and then the movie becomes a tense psychological thriller. I have no complaints with this movie at all. It’s just a perfectly constructed thriller with a great creative team behind it and some of the most haunting images I’ve seen in a movie in a very long time.
3. Black Swan
This movie was just a trip. It was so damn weird, yet so brilliant in its weirdness. The photography is just brilliant, giving the movie a grim foreboding tone and the movie weaves its plot through that dark mood. Following a ballerina that fighting with her own grasp of reality, the movies has creepy imagery, great music and a shocking performance from Natalie Portman. I don’t know how to really describe this movie, I don’t want to spoil it, but all I can think back on it was all the moments in it. It’s such a great movie. I insist, insist I say, that you go see this movie, you will not regret it.
2. The Social Network
It’s a movie about the creation of Facebook, it is also awesome. This script was just dripping with sweet dialogue and wonderful character beats. The direction here is just perfect. I know I said I’d hold off on calling any of the Oscars winners, but I have to make an exception here, David Fincher, for best director. He makes some of the most mundane, dull, and lifeless things like, computer code writing and legal proceedings seem like some of the most exciting and down right compelling things ever. Not that Aaron Sorkin’s script didn’t do the same thing. The performances are all top notch and I actually wished this movie was longer than it was. I seriously could have made it through a whole other hour uif it was there. That’s how well done this movie is and I just love it.
1. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
I have seen this movie seven times. Seven times. This movie is just sooooo damn good. It’s creative, mixing genres, relationship issues, and some of the funniest performances into one pot then being brave enough to serve the results. I just love this movie. Micheal Cera actually gives one of the best performances I’ve seen him give. The fight scenes are all memorable and creative. On top of that, it feels like this movie was helmed by a brilliantly crazy person. I’ve been a fan of Edgar Wright since his big screen debut Shaun Of The Dead and I’ve yet to be disappointed by a movie of his. To me, this can just can’t make a bad movie. I’ve seen all three of his feature films and all of them have just been amazingly fun. To me, this was the best movie of the year and it was a real shame that this movie wasn’t more successful.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
The top 5 most entertaining movies of 2010
So we’re a few weeks into 2011, and while I had absolutely no problem looking back and remembering what 10 movies sucked the most, or were the most painful to sit through, I have had a fair bit more trouble looking back and remembering 10 films that I actually thought were good. It’s not that I have hugely high standards, but I do have standards, and in 2010 well, they were hardly ever met, let alone exceeded. However I did think of 5 movies that I thought were good, solid and amazingly impressive works, and I also have 5 that I just thought were fun or very enjoyable. So, for you my loyal readers, I’m going to be nice and give you two lists. One being my top 5 just fun/most enjoyable movies of 2010, and the other being the 5 I thought were the actual best of the year. So here we go, my top 10 of 2010, sorta.
The 5 most enjoyable movies of 2010
5. Machete
Machete is one of those rare movies that I saw, thought about reviewing, but then decided I shouldn’t. Mindless action films like this are kind of not all that fun to review because it requires me to bring up a lot of the negative parts and nit picks. For me, when the movie isn’t all that fun to watch like “Boondock Saints 2” or “From Paris With Love” or “The Expendables” (Yes, I’m one of those people that thinks “The Expendables” sucked. Just deal with it because deep down, you know I’m right.) I’m actually quite happy to do that. An action movie should be a fun ride with lots of cool things and if it fails in that regard I shouldn’t let it get away with anything because of fan service nods to other films from the actor’s resume or the fact that it has a bunch of really cool action stars in it. “Machete” however, was the only balls to the wall R rated summer action movie I went to that I had a great time with. Robert Rodriguez has been one of my favorites for guilty pleasure action movies and he didn’t let me down here. The action is over the top and awesome, the one liners are hilarious, and the movie’s story, well, actually feels like a story. It’s nice that my favorite trailer from “Grindhouse” actually got made into a movie, and it was awesome to see Danny Trejo headline after being a supporting staple for so long. Not wanting to give too much away and just say see this movie if you haven’t already, but all I will tell you is this: You will never look at Robert De Niro the same after you watch this.
4. Hot Tub Time Machine
This was one of the funniest movies I saw this year. I swear, no other movie had a better set up, funnier cast or better executed gags. The story is simple, a bunch of guys go to a winter lodge they had a great time at as youths and then get into a hot tub that, somehow transplants them into the bodies of themselves back in the 80’s. This movie is a love letter to those raunchy comedies from the 80’s like “Porky’s” and “Caddyshack”. IF you avoided seeing this movie because of the title, like I am ashamed to admit was the case, shame on you! This movie was so damn funny and so well thought out in its humor that it should have been up for the Golden Globe for best comedy. Hell, it got better reviews than actual nominee “Alice in Wonderland” and the performances where are top notch from everyone involved. Honestly if I had to compare it to another comedy to emphasize how good it was, it’d be “Back to the Future”. Yes, one of my all time favorite movies is the only base line for comparison that I think comes close. Granted, “Hot Tub Time Machine” is nowhere near as good as “Back to the Future”, but in all seriousness, this movie is my favorite straight comedy of 2010 and I laugh every time I see it.
3. RED
I’ll just say it, I’m putting this movie on the list purely because I am a Bruce Willis Fan Boy. But what I liked most about this movie wasn’t just that it was a Bruce Willis action fest. Rather I loved this movie because it was funny, it was exciting, it had a great ensemble cast, and it remembers that action movies aren’t supposed to be taken all that seriously most of the time. I had a very hard time deciding which I like better between this and “Machete” and I ultimately chose this over the latter will, because “Machete” kind of fell apart in the last act and got a little overly political. It didn’t ruin the movie, but it was a bit of a WTF moment while watching it. “RED” on the other hand was non stop funny action set piece after another. The whole cast getting to shine in parts they are clearly having the time of their lives with, as well as amazingly well done story elements, made “RED” a far more satisfying movie. It was funny, exciting and all in all the best action movie of 2010.
2. Splice
Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE morality based science fiction. Things like most of David Cronenberg’s work in the 80’s, in particular “Scanners” and “The Fly”. And I’ve been aching and aching AND ACHING for a movie that returned to that kind of form for a very long time. I finally got what I asked for in “Splice”. A fringe sci fi movie that is basically a modern re-vamp of the Frankenstein based around genetic engineering. In this version, two scientists are the rock stars of their filed and decide to try and add human DNA to their experiments to see the results, which takes the form of DREN, and then they are faced with a dilemma: Is DREN the same as a human being? This movie is just great. This and the next movie on this list would probably have been on a top 10 list if I could have thought of 3 other movies that I thought were actually good that I saw from 2010. Most especially, I want to bring attention to “Splice” because it is one of those versions of the Frankenstein idea that doesn’t actually miss the point of the story, being ethics. The movie’s focus on the two principles and their status as a couple is used to a jaw dropping amount of effectiveness from beginning to end and it never tries to hold back. It’s hands down the most under appreciated movie of the year and you owe it to yourself to see it for yourself if you haven’t already.
1. Toy Story 3
Best kids movie of the year, bar none! I haven’t seen the other favorite “How To Train Your Dragon” yet, but I have no doubt that it couldn't possibly top this amazing animated film. The “Toy Story” movies have always been favorites of mine since the first film came out when I was seven and now at 24 I still love it and the second film. So I was very pleased when the third film rounded out the franchise for an all around great conclusion and a great film in general. I’ve seen “Toy Story 3” a total of four times now and each time I watch I love it more and more. It’s fun and creative and at times it can also be very dark. It’s that rare family film that doesn’t hold itself back for the sake of being for children. It goes out of it’s way to have complex themes while at the same time executing them simply enough that young children won’t feel left out. “Toy Story 3” was yet another reason why I keep telling people that no matter what your opinion of computer generated animation, you should ALWAYS go to PIXAR movies. They are some of the rare movies that actually feel like they are the next big step in the evolution of film and movies like “Toy Story 3”, “Up” and “WALL-E” are more than proof enough. Seriously, watch this movie NOW!
The 5 most enjoyable movies of 2010
5. Machete
Machete is one of those rare movies that I saw, thought about reviewing, but then decided I shouldn’t. Mindless action films like this are kind of not all that fun to review because it requires me to bring up a lot of the negative parts and nit picks. For me, when the movie isn’t all that fun to watch like “Boondock Saints 2” or “From Paris With Love” or “The Expendables” (Yes, I’m one of those people that thinks “The Expendables” sucked. Just deal with it because deep down, you know I’m right.) I’m actually quite happy to do that. An action movie should be a fun ride with lots of cool things and if it fails in that regard I shouldn’t let it get away with anything because of fan service nods to other films from the actor’s resume or the fact that it has a bunch of really cool action stars in it. “Machete” however, was the only balls to the wall R rated summer action movie I went to that I had a great time with. Robert Rodriguez has been one of my favorites for guilty pleasure action movies and he didn’t let me down here. The action is over the top and awesome, the one liners are hilarious, and the movie’s story, well, actually feels like a story. It’s nice that my favorite trailer from “Grindhouse” actually got made into a movie, and it was awesome to see Danny Trejo headline after being a supporting staple for so long. Not wanting to give too much away and just say see this movie if you haven’t already, but all I will tell you is this: You will never look at Robert De Niro the same after you watch this.
4. Hot Tub Time Machine
This was one of the funniest movies I saw this year. I swear, no other movie had a better set up, funnier cast or better executed gags. The story is simple, a bunch of guys go to a winter lodge they had a great time at as youths and then get into a hot tub that, somehow transplants them into the bodies of themselves back in the 80’s. This movie is a love letter to those raunchy comedies from the 80’s like “Porky’s” and “Caddyshack”. IF you avoided seeing this movie because of the title, like I am ashamed to admit was the case, shame on you! This movie was so damn funny and so well thought out in its humor that it should have been up for the Golden Globe for best comedy. Hell, it got better reviews than actual nominee “Alice in Wonderland” and the performances where are top notch from everyone involved. Honestly if I had to compare it to another comedy to emphasize how good it was, it’d be “Back to the Future”. Yes, one of my all time favorite movies is the only base line for comparison that I think comes close. Granted, “Hot Tub Time Machine” is nowhere near as good as “Back to the Future”, but in all seriousness, this movie is my favorite straight comedy of 2010 and I laugh every time I see it.
3. RED
I’ll just say it, I’m putting this movie on the list purely because I am a Bruce Willis Fan Boy. But what I liked most about this movie wasn’t just that it was a Bruce Willis action fest. Rather I loved this movie because it was funny, it was exciting, it had a great ensemble cast, and it remembers that action movies aren’t supposed to be taken all that seriously most of the time. I had a very hard time deciding which I like better between this and “Machete” and I ultimately chose this over the latter will, because “Machete” kind of fell apart in the last act and got a little overly political. It didn’t ruin the movie, but it was a bit of a WTF moment while watching it. “RED” on the other hand was non stop funny action set piece after another. The whole cast getting to shine in parts they are clearly having the time of their lives with, as well as amazingly well done story elements, made “RED” a far more satisfying movie. It was funny, exciting and all in all the best action movie of 2010.
2. Splice
Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE morality based science fiction. Things like most of David Cronenberg’s work in the 80’s, in particular “Scanners” and “The Fly”. And I’ve been aching and aching AND ACHING for a movie that returned to that kind of form for a very long time. I finally got what I asked for in “Splice”. A fringe sci fi movie that is basically a modern re-vamp of the Frankenstein based around genetic engineering. In this version, two scientists are the rock stars of their filed and decide to try and add human DNA to their experiments to see the results, which takes the form of DREN, and then they are faced with a dilemma: Is DREN the same as a human being? This movie is just great. This and the next movie on this list would probably have been on a top 10 list if I could have thought of 3 other movies that I thought were actually good that I saw from 2010. Most especially, I want to bring attention to “Splice” because it is one of those versions of the Frankenstein idea that doesn’t actually miss the point of the story, being ethics. The movie’s focus on the two principles and their status as a couple is used to a jaw dropping amount of effectiveness from beginning to end and it never tries to hold back. It’s hands down the most under appreciated movie of the year and you owe it to yourself to see it for yourself if you haven’t already.
1. Toy Story 3
Best kids movie of the year, bar none! I haven’t seen the other favorite “How To Train Your Dragon” yet, but I have no doubt that it couldn't possibly top this amazing animated film. The “Toy Story” movies have always been favorites of mine since the first film came out when I was seven and now at 24 I still love it and the second film. So I was very pleased when the third film rounded out the franchise for an all around great conclusion and a great film in general. I’ve seen “Toy Story 3” a total of four times now and each time I watch I love it more and more. It’s fun and creative and at times it can also be very dark. It’s that rare family film that doesn’t hold itself back for the sake of being for children. It goes out of it’s way to have complex themes while at the same time executing them simply enough that young children won’t feel left out. “Toy Story 3” was yet another reason why I keep telling people that no matter what your opinion of computer generated animation, you should ALWAYS go to PIXAR movies. They are some of the rare movies that actually feel like they are the next big step in the evolution of film and movies like “Toy Story 3”, “Up” and “WALL-E” are more than proof enough. Seriously, watch this movie NOW!
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Worst of 2010
Happy New Year All!!!
I'm finally back and ready to get right back into reviewing movies. I'm going to attempt to be more regular with my material and I would like to start with the a couple looks back to the previous year. And just so it's out of the way, let's get the bad over with. So here we go, Cinema Lunatic's Top 10 Worst movies of 2010! Let's go!
10. Book of Eli. This may be a little confusing, seeing as back when I reviewed this movie last year I gave it a pretty positive review, and yeah, there is plenty good here. However, something that I think makes for a really good movie, is re-watchabilty. Book of Eli, well, it not only doesn’t have that, but when I rented it on DVD to watch again, I was actually really angry at it. Those who haven’t heard yet, the twist to the end of the movie is that, spoiler alert, Eli is blind and the bible he was carrying is written in brail. When I first saw it, this twist did bother me, but it didn’t piss me off until I went back and watched the movie again, because all the things that Eli does in this movie, make no sense if he’s blind. A lot of the fighting, shooting, even dialogue scenes make no sense anymore because, and this isn’t meant to sound mean or anything, but I can’t suspend my disbelief enough to believe that a blind person can pull them off. Seriously, this ending is so stupid that it ruins an otherwise pretty decent movie and I would say is the worst twist since “The Village”. That’s why Book of Eli gets number 10.
9. From Paris with Love. This really shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. I already wrote a full review of this movie and why I didn’t really care for it, but all the same, it’s number 9. My biggest problems with this movie were that the narrative was crap, the action was uninteresting, and the characters are unbelievably dull. The only thing that saved it from being higher up is that my favorite ‘not all that great’ actor, John Travolta, steals the show with a performance so over the top and flat out silly that you can’t help but laugh. Still, a funny performance isn’t enough to save an action movie this boring.
8. The Wolfman. I’d say that this is on here because it’s a remake of a classic, but that’d just be stubborn and narrow minded, hell I always at least try and go in with an open mind to these kinds of things. But all the same, while I’m not really prepared to dismiss the movie as flat out terrible, it is pretty mediocre. Most of the problem is that the film can’t seem to figure out what it really wants to be. At times it feels like an over the top monster movie, other times it feels like a psychological thriller, a romance and so on. This isn’t just limited to the movie though. Each actor honestly seems to be giving performances for totally out there movies, and all of a different genre. I can’t wrap my mind out of why this movie ended up the way it did. The effects range from ok to meh, with the only good thing being a make up for the wolfman designed by make effects god Rick Baker. But really, that’s the only positive I can give. All in all this movie just didn’t do much for me and while it had glimpses of good ideas, they never really got off the ground. Basically I’m picking this remake over “Clash of the Titans” because it was way more of a disappointment, not just because it’s another stupid remake, but because it could have been better, but just didn’t go anywhere.
7. Resident Evil Afterlife. I’m just going to say it. I didn’t see this movie in the 3D that it was advertised in. I don’t care for 3D as I’ve said before, I don’t think that the excuse of seeing a movie not in 3D when it is available makes it worse. I also must confess, I had a bit of a soft spot for the Resident Evil movies as a guilty pleasure, until the third one. The fact that these movies are trying to be a little more serious now, makes me like them less. I know, it sounds weird that I’m complaining about a series having movies that are technically getting better, but what I always liked was how bad these movies were. They were way more entertaining when they were stupid and fun, but not they’re just stupid. Really stupid. And the latest movie, well, not only is it stupid, it’s boring. This movie has an abysmal pace and so much slow motion that I’m positive if you put it all at regular speed the movie would only be 45 minutes. That’s all I have to say, stupid, boring and my number 7.
6. The Tourist. Yes, they made a movie with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, two very talented, very attractive people. They picked Venice Italy for the central location, a very cool looking and interesting place with tons of potential. So, why is this movie one of the worst? It’s boring. The movie is basically a very weak rip off of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic “North by Northwest” about an ordinary guy that’s pulled into a dangerous situation due to mistaken identity. It’s not a bad premise, but overall it’s so poorly executed that I can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s nominated for the Golden Globe for best comedy. It goes nowhere pretty fast and it’s never all that funny even though you can clearly tell that both Jolie and Depp are trying very hard in their roles. The problem is the movie never gives them anything interesting to do. They never take full advantage of the location save for one really underwhelming boat chase, most of the time it’s just Jolie and Depp, staring at each other then it’s Paul Bettany trying to find Jolie’s mystery boyfriend and always failing. That’s it; lather, rinse and repeat. The only time the movie gets at all good is when Timothy “I can steal the show no matter what” Dalton shows up and plays a character so dead pan hilarious that you just wish the whole movie was about him. On top of that, this movie has a twist at the end that I will just flat out say is stupider than “Book of Eli”. Yes, the end of this movie is stupider than finding out that Denzel Washington was blind the whole time. Think about that.
5. Saw 3D: The Final Chapter. I hate the Saw movies. I’ve never felt that they ever were all that good, even back when they started. The only time I had hope was when the second movie took the series and made it a really twisted version of Agatha Christie’s “Ten Little Indians” idea. But then it decided to go to a clichéd formula and just got worse with each movie, and this supposed “final” installment, is probably the worst of them all. Before anyone asks, yes. Yes I saw this stupid movie in the advertised 3D, and you know what? It was not worth the 5 extra bucks that I paid. I actually have seen ALL of the Saw movies, but only on DVD because I don’t see the point of going to these stupid things in theaters when I can rent them for half as much. I went to see this one in theaters because if I was going to see this, I might as well see it with the gimmicky 3D and get it over with. Here’s the thing though, the 3D hardly works! It was poorly planned out, never really felt noticeable and added nothing to the movie besides a bad head ache. Plus, the characters were stupid, the premise the dumbest of the franchise, and none of the traps nearly as inventive as any of the other films. So in other words, this movie doesn’t even have appeal for the fans that have kept it so damn popular for the last six years. Good grief what a waste of film…. Speaking of…
4. Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Do I even have to explain why this one’s on the list? Really, who hasn’t just condemned the whole franchise as a stupid joke? Alright, here it goes. Eclipse, like the previous two installments, is 1. Boring and repetitive. 2. Filled with bland, poorly written, underdeveloped, idiotic characters. 3. Some of the most offensive themes and morals I’ve seen in anything in recent history, and proves that 4. Bella Swan is one of the most unsympathetic, horribly despicable leading female characters ever created.No, I haven’t read the damn books, nor do I wish to. The plot is the same thing as the last movie, and once again, I spent the whole movie wishing that it was about any of the supporting cast more than it was the two leads. God, I’ve sat through the first two films and none of them have ever been good. Nothing happens in them! And this one, when something does actually happen, it’s just a huge anticlimax. The fact that I can safely call this movie the best one so far and still have it on my list of worst films of the year is really telling of how absolutely awful this franchise is, and what makes me angrier is that I know my complaints aren’t going to do anything to effect the popularity of it. Considering that these movies teach its intended female audience that stalking is supposed to be charming among many other horrible things, that really terrifies me.
3. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. Again, I wrote a review for this, and I don’t have much to add. This silly movie was pointless, confusing, and stupid. I called it Tim Burton’s equivalent to “Star Wars: Episode 1” and I still stand by that statement. So what if it’s more of a sequel? So what if it has concepts and characters from “Through the Looking Glass”? None of those things excuse this movie for being boring, sloppy, and unentertaining. While it’s not the absolute worst movie this year, it was the one I was the most disappointed by.
2. The Last Airbender. I only just saw this movie. I literally finished it right before I sat down and I just had to put it at number 2. M. Night Shymalan has lost any and all credibility that he had with me, and this is going to go down as his worst movie if he never makes another one. Nearly EVERY SINGLE line of dialogue in this movie is blatant exposition and because of it, the movie never gives the characters any development, personality or anything at all really. So once the action sequences get started you don’t really care and it’s just boring effects doing stuff that you ultimately won’t remember later because it’s about the equivalent of jingling keys in front of a toddler over and over to the point where they’ve lost all entertainment from them. Added to that, they spend so much time explaining but still you have no idea what the hell is going on. The performances are all really bland, and this movie finally gave us a more annoying child actor than Jake Lloyd as Anakin Skywalker. Scary I know. Overall I just can’t see who this movie was made for. It can’t be for kids, it’s too boring and kids are in fact smarter than this! It’s not for adult for sure, because it’s just stupid and dull. Who the hell is it for? I haven’t the slightest clue, all I know is that it’s my number 2 and yeah, I’d go so far as to call it a big piece of number 2.
1. Nightmare On Elm Street (2010). Was there any doubt this would be the worst? I ranted so hard about this movie that I don’t feel like retreading old ground. But really, this is number one because it’s a pathetic attempt at filmmaking. It’s a shameless cash grab. It’s an abomination. The only thing close to being redeeming is that Jackie Earl Haley shows potential to be a good Freddy, but the movie gives him nothing to do that is remotely scary or interesting and it’s such a waste. I’m going to try and cut down on the swearing for the sake of professionalism this year, but before I do I just want to say this. Fuck this movie. Fuck the director. Fuck the writers, the producers and the studio. Fuck them all. This movie is a waste and I cannot speak enough for how much I want the time this movie took from my life back. Seriously, fuck this movie.
Stay tuned for the 10 best and a new review every week!
I'm finally back and ready to get right back into reviewing movies. I'm going to attempt to be more regular with my material and I would like to start with the a couple looks back to the previous year. And just so it's out of the way, let's get the bad over with. So here we go, Cinema Lunatic's Top 10 Worst movies of 2010! Let's go!
10. Book of Eli. This may be a little confusing, seeing as back when I reviewed this movie last year I gave it a pretty positive review, and yeah, there is plenty good here. However, something that I think makes for a really good movie, is re-watchabilty. Book of Eli, well, it not only doesn’t have that, but when I rented it on DVD to watch again, I was actually really angry at it. Those who haven’t heard yet, the twist to the end of the movie is that, spoiler alert, Eli is blind and the bible he was carrying is written in brail. When I first saw it, this twist did bother me, but it didn’t piss me off until I went back and watched the movie again, because all the things that Eli does in this movie, make no sense if he’s blind. A lot of the fighting, shooting, even dialogue scenes make no sense anymore because, and this isn’t meant to sound mean or anything, but I can’t suspend my disbelief enough to believe that a blind person can pull them off. Seriously, this ending is so stupid that it ruins an otherwise pretty decent movie and I would say is the worst twist since “The Village”. That’s why Book of Eli gets number 10.
9. From Paris with Love. This really shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. I already wrote a full review of this movie and why I didn’t really care for it, but all the same, it’s number 9. My biggest problems with this movie were that the narrative was crap, the action was uninteresting, and the characters are unbelievably dull. The only thing that saved it from being higher up is that my favorite ‘not all that great’ actor, John Travolta, steals the show with a performance so over the top and flat out silly that you can’t help but laugh. Still, a funny performance isn’t enough to save an action movie this boring.
8. The Wolfman. I’d say that this is on here because it’s a remake of a classic, but that’d just be stubborn and narrow minded, hell I always at least try and go in with an open mind to these kinds of things. But all the same, while I’m not really prepared to dismiss the movie as flat out terrible, it is pretty mediocre. Most of the problem is that the film can’t seem to figure out what it really wants to be. At times it feels like an over the top monster movie, other times it feels like a psychological thriller, a romance and so on. This isn’t just limited to the movie though. Each actor honestly seems to be giving performances for totally out there movies, and all of a different genre. I can’t wrap my mind out of why this movie ended up the way it did. The effects range from ok to meh, with the only good thing being a make up for the wolfman designed by make effects god Rick Baker. But really, that’s the only positive I can give. All in all this movie just didn’t do much for me and while it had glimpses of good ideas, they never really got off the ground. Basically I’m picking this remake over “Clash of the Titans” because it was way more of a disappointment, not just because it’s another stupid remake, but because it could have been better, but just didn’t go anywhere.
7. Resident Evil Afterlife. I’m just going to say it. I didn’t see this movie in the 3D that it was advertised in. I don’t care for 3D as I’ve said before, I don’t think that the excuse of seeing a movie not in 3D when it is available makes it worse. I also must confess, I had a bit of a soft spot for the Resident Evil movies as a guilty pleasure, until the third one. The fact that these movies are trying to be a little more serious now, makes me like them less. I know, it sounds weird that I’m complaining about a series having movies that are technically getting better, but what I always liked was how bad these movies were. They were way more entertaining when they were stupid and fun, but not they’re just stupid. Really stupid. And the latest movie, well, not only is it stupid, it’s boring. This movie has an abysmal pace and so much slow motion that I’m positive if you put it all at regular speed the movie would only be 45 minutes. That’s all I have to say, stupid, boring and my number 7.
6. The Tourist. Yes, they made a movie with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, two very talented, very attractive people. They picked Venice Italy for the central location, a very cool looking and interesting place with tons of potential. So, why is this movie one of the worst? It’s boring. The movie is basically a very weak rip off of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic “North by Northwest” about an ordinary guy that’s pulled into a dangerous situation due to mistaken identity. It’s not a bad premise, but overall it’s so poorly executed that I can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s nominated for the Golden Globe for best comedy. It goes nowhere pretty fast and it’s never all that funny even though you can clearly tell that both Jolie and Depp are trying very hard in their roles. The problem is the movie never gives them anything interesting to do. They never take full advantage of the location save for one really underwhelming boat chase, most of the time it’s just Jolie and Depp, staring at each other then it’s Paul Bettany trying to find Jolie’s mystery boyfriend and always failing. That’s it; lather, rinse and repeat. The only time the movie gets at all good is when Timothy “I can steal the show no matter what” Dalton shows up and plays a character so dead pan hilarious that you just wish the whole movie was about him. On top of that, this movie has a twist at the end that I will just flat out say is stupider than “Book of Eli”. Yes, the end of this movie is stupider than finding out that Denzel Washington was blind the whole time. Think about that.
5. Saw 3D: The Final Chapter. I hate the Saw movies. I’ve never felt that they ever were all that good, even back when they started. The only time I had hope was when the second movie took the series and made it a really twisted version of Agatha Christie’s “Ten Little Indians” idea. But then it decided to go to a clichéd formula and just got worse with each movie, and this supposed “final” installment, is probably the worst of them all. Before anyone asks, yes. Yes I saw this stupid movie in the advertised 3D, and you know what? It was not worth the 5 extra bucks that I paid. I actually have seen ALL of the Saw movies, but only on DVD because I don’t see the point of going to these stupid things in theaters when I can rent them for half as much. I went to see this one in theaters because if I was going to see this, I might as well see it with the gimmicky 3D and get it over with. Here’s the thing though, the 3D hardly works! It was poorly planned out, never really felt noticeable and added nothing to the movie besides a bad head ache. Plus, the characters were stupid, the premise the dumbest of the franchise, and none of the traps nearly as inventive as any of the other films. So in other words, this movie doesn’t even have appeal for the fans that have kept it so damn popular for the last six years. Good grief what a waste of film…. Speaking of…
4. Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Do I even have to explain why this one’s on the list? Really, who hasn’t just condemned the whole franchise as a stupid joke? Alright, here it goes. Eclipse, like the previous two installments, is 1. Boring and repetitive. 2. Filled with bland, poorly written, underdeveloped, idiotic characters. 3. Some of the most offensive themes and morals I’ve seen in anything in recent history, and proves that 4. Bella Swan is one of the most unsympathetic, horribly despicable leading female characters ever created.No, I haven’t read the damn books, nor do I wish to. The plot is the same thing as the last movie, and once again, I spent the whole movie wishing that it was about any of the supporting cast more than it was the two leads. God, I’ve sat through the first two films and none of them have ever been good. Nothing happens in them! And this one, when something does actually happen, it’s just a huge anticlimax. The fact that I can safely call this movie the best one so far and still have it on my list of worst films of the year is really telling of how absolutely awful this franchise is, and what makes me angrier is that I know my complaints aren’t going to do anything to effect the popularity of it. Considering that these movies teach its intended female audience that stalking is supposed to be charming among many other horrible things, that really terrifies me.
3. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. Again, I wrote a review for this, and I don’t have much to add. This silly movie was pointless, confusing, and stupid. I called it Tim Burton’s equivalent to “Star Wars: Episode 1” and I still stand by that statement. So what if it’s more of a sequel? So what if it has concepts and characters from “Through the Looking Glass”? None of those things excuse this movie for being boring, sloppy, and unentertaining. While it’s not the absolute worst movie this year, it was the one I was the most disappointed by.
2. The Last Airbender. I only just saw this movie. I literally finished it right before I sat down and I just had to put it at number 2. M. Night Shymalan has lost any and all credibility that he had with me, and this is going to go down as his worst movie if he never makes another one. Nearly EVERY SINGLE line of dialogue in this movie is blatant exposition and because of it, the movie never gives the characters any development, personality or anything at all really. So once the action sequences get started you don’t really care and it’s just boring effects doing stuff that you ultimately won’t remember later because it’s about the equivalent of jingling keys in front of a toddler over and over to the point where they’ve lost all entertainment from them. Added to that, they spend so much time explaining but still you have no idea what the hell is going on. The performances are all really bland, and this movie finally gave us a more annoying child actor than Jake Lloyd as Anakin Skywalker. Scary I know. Overall I just can’t see who this movie was made for. It can’t be for kids, it’s too boring and kids are in fact smarter than this! It’s not for adult for sure, because it’s just stupid and dull. Who the hell is it for? I haven’t the slightest clue, all I know is that it’s my number 2 and yeah, I’d go so far as to call it a big piece of number 2.
1. Nightmare On Elm Street (2010). Was there any doubt this would be the worst? I ranted so hard about this movie that I don’t feel like retreading old ground. But really, this is number one because it’s a pathetic attempt at filmmaking. It’s a shameless cash grab. It’s an abomination. The only thing close to being redeeming is that Jackie Earl Haley shows potential to be a good Freddy, but the movie gives him nothing to do that is remotely scary or interesting and it’s such a waste. I’m going to try and cut down on the swearing for the sake of professionalism this year, but before I do I just want to say this. Fuck this movie. Fuck the director. Fuck the writers, the producers and the studio. Fuck them all. This movie is a waste and I cannot speak enough for how much I want the time this movie took from my life back. Seriously, fuck this movie.
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