The Worst of 2010

Happy New Year All!!!

I'm finally back and ready to get right back into reviewing movies. I'm going to attempt to be more regular with my material and I would like to start with the a couple looks back to the previous year. And just so it's out of the way, let's get the bad over with. So here we go, Cinema Lunatic's Top 10 Worst movies of 2010! Let's go!


10. Book of Eli. This may be a little confusing, seeing as back when I reviewed this movie last year I gave it a pretty positive review, and yeah, there is plenty good here. However, something that I think makes for a really good movie, is re-watchabilty. Book of Eli, well, it not only doesn’t have that, but when I rented it on DVD to watch again, I was actually really angry at it. Those who haven’t heard yet, the twist to the end of the movie is that, spoiler alert, Eli is blind and the bible he was carrying is written in brail. When I first saw it, this twist did bother me, but it didn’t piss me off until I went back and watched the movie again, because all the things that Eli does in this movie, make no sense if he’s blind. A lot of the fighting, shooting, even dialogue scenes make no sense anymore because, and this isn’t meant to sound mean or anything, but I can’t suspend my disbelief enough to believe that a blind person can pull them off. Seriously, this ending is so stupid that it ruins an otherwise pretty decent movie and I would say is the worst twist since “The Village”. That’s why Book of Eli gets number 10.
9. From Paris with Love. This really shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. I already wrote a full review of this movie and why I didn’t really care for it, but all the same, it’s number 9. My biggest problems with this movie were that the narrative was crap, the action was uninteresting, and the characters are unbelievably dull. The only thing that saved it from being higher up is that my favorite ‘not all that great’ actor, John Travolta, steals the show with a performance so over the top and flat out silly that you can’t help but laugh. Still, a funny performance isn’t enough to save an action movie this boring.
8. The Wolfman. I’d say that this is on here because it’s a remake of a classic, but that’d just be stubborn and narrow minded, hell I always at least try and go in with an open mind to these kinds of things. But all the same, while I’m not really prepared to dismiss the movie as flat out terrible, it is pretty mediocre. Most of the problem is that the film can’t seem to figure out what it really wants to be. At times it feels like an over the top monster movie, other times it feels like a psychological thriller, a romance and so on. This isn’t just limited to the movie though. Each actor honestly seems to be giving performances for totally out there movies, and all of a different genre. I can’t wrap my mind out of why this movie ended up the way it did. The effects range from ok to meh, with the only good thing being a make up for the wolfman designed by make effects god Rick Baker. But really, that’s the only positive I can give. All in all this movie just didn’t do much for me and while it had glimpses of good ideas, they never really got off the ground. Basically I’m picking this remake over “Clash of the Titans” because it was way more of a disappointment, not just because it’s another stupid remake, but because it could have been better, but just didn’t go anywhere.
7. Resident Evil Afterlife. I’m just going to say it. I didn’t see this movie in the 3D that it was advertised in. I don’t care for 3D as I’ve said before, I don’t think that the excuse of seeing a movie not in 3D when it is available makes it worse. I also must confess, I had a bit of a soft spot for the Resident Evil movies as a guilty pleasure, until the third one. The fact that these movies are trying to be a little more serious now, makes me like them less. I know, it sounds weird that I’m complaining about a series having movies that are technically getting better, but what I always liked was how bad these movies were. They were way more entertaining when they were stupid and fun, but not they’re just stupid. Really stupid. And the latest movie, well, not only is it stupid, it’s boring. This movie has an abysmal pace and so much slow motion that I’m positive if you put it all at regular speed the movie would only be 45 minutes. That’s all I have to say, stupid, boring and my number 7.
6. The Tourist. Yes, they made a movie with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, two very talented, very attractive people. They picked Venice Italy for the central location, a very cool looking and interesting place with tons of potential. So, why is this movie one of the worst? It’s boring. The movie is basically a very weak rip off of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic “North by Northwest” about an ordinary guy that’s pulled into a dangerous situation due to mistaken identity. It’s not a bad premise, but overall it’s so poorly executed that I can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s nominated for the Golden Globe for best comedy. It goes nowhere pretty fast and it’s never all that funny even though you can clearly tell that both Jolie and Depp are trying very hard in their roles. The problem is the movie never gives them anything interesting to do. They never take full advantage of the location save for one really underwhelming boat chase, most of the time it’s just Jolie and Depp, staring at each other then it’s Paul Bettany trying to find Jolie’s mystery boyfriend and always failing. That’s it; lather, rinse and repeat. The only time the movie gets at all good is when Timothy “I can steal the show no matter what” Dalton shows up and plays a character so dead pan hilarious that you just wish the whole movie was about him. On top of that, this movie has a twist at the end that I will just flat out say is stupider than “Book of Eli”. Yes, the end of this movie is stupider than finding out that Denzel Washington was blind the whole time. Think about that.
5. Saw 3D: The Final Chapter. I hate the Saw movies. I’ve never felt that they ever were all that good, even back when they started. The only time I had hope was when the second movie took the series and made it a really twisted version of Agatha Christie’s “Ten Little Indians” idea. But then it decided to go to a clichéd formula and just got worse with each movie, and this supposed “final” installment, is probably the worst of them all. Before anyone asks, yes. Yes I saw this stupid movie in the advertised 3D, and you know what? It was not worth the 5 extra bucks that I paid. I actually have seen ALL of the Saw movies, but only on DVD because I don’t see the point of going to these stupid things in theaters when I can rent them for half as much. I went to see this one in theaters because if I was going to see this, I might as well see it with the gimmicky 3D and get it over with. Here’s the thing though, the 3D hardly works! It was poorly planned out, never really felt noticeable and added nothing to the movie besides a bad head ache. Plus, the characters were stupid, the premise the dumbest of the franchise, and none of the traps nearly as inventive as any of the other films. So in other words, this movie doesn’t even have appeal for the fans that have kept it so damn popular for the last six years. Good grief what a waste of film…. Speaking of…
4. Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Do I even have to explain why this one’s on the list? Really, who hasn’t just condemned the whole franchise as a stupid joke? Alright, here it goes. Eclipse, like the previous two installments, is 1. Boring and repetitive. 2. Filled with bland, poorly written, underdeveloped, idiotic characters. 3. Some of the most offensive themes and morals I’ve seen in anything in recent history, and proves that 4. Bella Swan is one of the most unsympathetic, horribly despicable leading female characters ever created.No, I haven’t read the damn books, nor do I wish to. The plot is the same thing as the last movie, and once again, I spent the whole movie wishing that it was about any of the supporting cast more than it was the two leads. God, I’ve sat through the first two films and none of them have ever been good. Nothing happens in them! And this one, when something does actually happen, it’s just a huge anticlimax. The fact that I can safely call this movie the best one so far and still have it on my list of worst films of the year is really telling of how absolutely awful this franchise is, and what makes me angrier is that I know my complaints aren’t going to do anything to effect the popularity of it. Considering that these movies teach its intended female audience that stalking is supposed to be charming among many other horrible things, that really terrifies me.
3. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. Again, I wrote a review for this, and I don’t have much to add. This silly movie was pointless, confusing, and stupid. I called it Tim Burton’s equivalent to “Star Wars: Episode 1” and I still stand by that statement. So what if it’s more of a sequel? So what if it has concepts and characters from “Through the Looking Glass”? None of those things excuse this movie for being boring, sloppy, and unentertaining. While it’s not the absolute worst movie this year, it was the one I was the most disappointed by.
2. The Last Airbender. I only just saw this movie. I literally finished it right before I sat down and I just had to put it at number 2. M. Night Shymalan has lost any and all credibility that he had with me, and this is going to go down as his worst movie if he never makes another one. Nearly EVERY SINGLE line of dialogue in this movie is blatant exposition and because of it, the movie never gives the characters any development, personality or anything at all really. So once the action sequences get started you don’t really care and it’s just boring effects doing stuff that you ultimately won’t remember later because it’s about the equivalent of jingling keys in front of a toddler over and over to the point where they’ve lost all entertainment from them. Added to that, they spend so much time explaining but still you have no idea what the hell is going on. The performances are all really bland, and this movie finally gave us a more annoying child actor than Jake Lloyd as Anakin Skywalker. Scary I know. Overall I just can’t see who this movie was made for. It can’t be for kids, it’s too boring and kids are in fact smarter than this! It’s not for adult for sure, because it’s just stupid and dull. Who the hell is it for? I haven’t the slightest clue, all I know is that it’s my number 2 and yeah, I’d go so far as to call it a big piece of number 2.
1. Nightmare On Elm Street (2010). Was there any doubt this would be the worst? I ranted so hard about this movie that I don’t feel like retreading old ground. But really, this is number one because it’s a pathetic attempt at filmmaking. It’s a shameless cash grab. It’s an abomination. The only thing close to being redeeming is that Jackie Earl Haley shows potential to be a good Freddy, but the movie gives him nothing to do that is remotely scary or interesting and it’s such a waste. I’m going to try and cut down on the swearing for the sake of professionalism this year, but before I do I just want to say this. Fuck this movie. Fuck the director. Fuck the writers, the producers and the studio. Fuck them all. This movie is a waste and I cannot speak enough for how much I want the time this movie took from my life back. Seriously, fuck this movie.


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