Back in 1972, two young filmmakers got together and made a small budget Exploitation horror film called “The Last House on the Left”. It was a big hit for what it was, and is to this day one of the few films that still shocks and disturbs me each time I watch it. Those two filmmakers were Sean S. Cunningham, who later went on to create the “Friday the 13th” franchise, and Wes Craven. Craven is a director that is widely regarded as being one of the great master of the horror genre, creating such classics as “The Hills Have Eyes”, “Scream”, “The Serpent and the Rainbow”, and of course, the original “A Nightmare on Elm Street”. There is no denying that Craven is a very visionary director, and that he has a body of work with some very impressive titles in it. However, this is not to say that he’s perfect.
Lately, his work has been, well, underwhelming. “Cursed” was probably the worst that it got and every time people ask me about horror movies to avoid I tend to bring that one up. It was bland, silly, and a massive, massive let down. But, I put a little more of the blame on screenwriter Kevin Williamson, who seems to only know how to write things that he’s already done else where. Mostly just going back to his formula from the screenplay to “Scream”, notably the “twist” reveal at the end. “Red Eye” was next, and it was definitely a step in the right direction for Craven, but the movie was still pretty weak and ultimately very forgettable.
So as you can imagine, there is a lot of pressure on his latest film “My Soul to Take”, the first film that he himself has both written and directed since “Wes Craven’s New Nightmare”, which you really should see if you haven’t already. And the result? Well, again, it’s pretty much a let down.
But I’m sure a lot of you are wondering: “Is it as bad as the ‘Nightmare’ remake?” Well, no, but it’s not much better. Where as the 2010 version of “A Nightmare on Elm Street” was just a very badly made horror movie that makes no effort to establish dream sequences, or tone, or well, anything other than jump scares, “My Soul to Take” at least tries to do something other than go “BOO!!!” every five minutes. But that doesn’t instantly make it good.
The plot is that a serial killer dies one night, and at the same moment of his death, there are seven babies born. 16 years later, the seven children start becoming the targets of a killer, leaving the town to wonder if the killer is truly dead, or if there is something more sinister a foot. It’s an interesting premise, but basically it just boils down to being yet another run of the mill slasher movie. That’s pretty much all I can say, the supernatural elements aren’t really downplayed or anything, but they really aren’t used all that much. The deaths are all pretty stock, but at the same time have a little more creativity than… that OTHER movie that shall no longer be named, but otherwise there isn’t much to this.
The script is rather weak. It has a lot of characters, all of them are pretty much stereotypes. The jock, the awkward nerd, the religious one, the bitch, the borderline mentally unhinged guy, the clique leader, the skeptical cop etc. and again, the performances reflect these parts, however unlike, that OTHER movie, here the performances are all at least competent. Yes, the characters are all one note, but they are at least decently acted one note characters. Most of the time in the movie building up this whole who is the killer idea, yet again calling back to “Scream”, again. It’s really the movie’s biggest problem, it’s just a bland script from an ok idea, and it makes the movie so boring.
It’s really upsetting because the photography is great, the editing is really well done, it has a nice atmosphere and tone, and it really seems to want to work, but it really just can’t because this script doesn’t seem that well thought out. There are moments where it feels like the movie finally wants to get going and go balls to the wall as a real slasher, but then it will just stop to have scenes that are, I guess supposed to be developing the characters, but then they are killed two scenes later and so it just makes things redundant and predictable.
I love Wes Craven’s work, but this movie was so disappointing. It was not well written and no amount of ok-ish acting, nice photography, or good editing can change that. I hope that someday that he’ll make another horror film, or another movie in any genre that attest to the talent he clearly has. And I can tell you right now, the up coming “Scream 4” is not going to be it.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Oscars 2011
Yes. This is my time of the year. The Annual Academy Awards ceremony is something that I look forward to with lots of enthusiasm every year. I couldn’t give a crap about the Super Bowl, but I live for the Oscars. It’s the one time of the year where all this knowledge of movies I’ve built up actually seems to matter to the rest of the people out there. So, what I’m going to is run down the major categories acting, directing, writing and of course, Best Picture. I’ll make my predictions and then at the end give a brief once over of all 10 best picture nominees and introduce my new rating system. So here it goes.
Best Supporting Actor
So this is one that will probably be pretty damn easy. My pick is going to be Christian Bale for “The Fighter”. He is so energetic that he practically steals the movie from lead Mark Wahlberg, and that’s the whole point of the movie, that Wahlberg’s Mickey is supposed to be over shadowed by Bale’s Dickey in the film. That and Bale is one of those people that’s a really damn good actor with an already impressive body of work and this is to date his best performance.
Best Supporting Actress
A little trickier, and took a lot of thought, but it’s probably going to be Helena Bonham Carter for “The King’s Speech”. The rest of the nominees are all very good and did great in their respective roles and my personal favorite was Amy Adams in “The Fighter” but from a stand point of what will actually win, Carter was in the big awards magnet and she was fantastic, and it’s a safe bet she’ll be the one to win.
Best Actor
Colin Firth for “The King’s Speech”. I don’t need to explain this. If you’ve seen the movie you’d know this already, the whole point of the film is this one role and Firth was just great in it. The majority of the performance isn’t even his lines, or delivery, it’s all in his face and expressions. Everyone else nominated has either won, or will get another shot soon, Firth has been nominated before and really should win.
Best Actress
I’m going to stick my neck out. Everyone is talking about Natalie Portman for “Black Swan”, and I would love to see that movie win one of the big boys this year, but I’m pretty confident that due to political motivation as well as penance for past over sights, Annette Bening will win for “The Kids are All Right”. Being has be up before three times, lost twice to the same person, and is well loved by Hollywood. What it really boils down to is, while this definitely was one of Portman’s best performances, Bening has been snubbed numerous times before and really has this one coming.
Best Adapted Screenplay
Aaron Sorkin for “The Social Network”. It’s kind of hard to argue that one of the best movies of the year, was simply put, about the founding of Facebook. The only way this could work is if you had two things solid, first being really good actors and seond they need to be working off a really good script. It’s the most talked about script of the year, it’s brilliant and it will most likely win.
Best Original Screenplay
Instantly I want to say “The King’s Speech” here, but really I have a gut feeling that this is going to go to “The Kids Are All Right”. Think about it. Most of the time in the last few years the movies with the overly dry humor and the unconventional set ups tend to be the ones that get this and that’s basically what “The Kid’s Are All Right” is. I know you may want to put any money on “King’s Speech” and it is still a heavy contender, but I’m putting mine on “The Kids Are All Right”.
Best Director
I’m just sure this is going to go to David Fincher for “The Social Network”. Fincher is one of the most respected filmmakers to come out of the 90’s, he’s long overdue for some awards recognition. I don’t even think there’s going to be any issue. David Fincher, “The Social Network”.
Best Picture
Okay, I have seen ALL the 10 movies up for the big prize. And honestly, they are all pretty damn good. I have issues with some of them but overall I enjoyed all these movies. So, before I name my prediction for Best Picture, let me go through and give a brief overview of each movie and an out of 5 rating for each.
The Kids Are All Right. This, is my least favorite nominee. I don’t really understand all the praise. It’s not doing anything different other than the whole angle of gay domestic partners raising a family, which has some nice moments in the movie, but basic all it ends up boiling down to yet another movie pointing out how families aren’t perfect and yeah, maybe that’s the point but I’m really just so sick of them that I may be acting a bit unfair. But honestly I just don’t see why I should find this movie so special other than the whole thing about the gay parents, I’m sorry, but I’m just not a fan of this genre because it’s over done. Not saying it was pure terrible, just that in general, I don’t really like this kind of movie. Not because I want to follow some Norman Rockwell ideal or whatever. But that I just don’t care for how predictable it gets and how overly dry the humor got. 3 out of 5
Winter’s Bone: Winner of the Grand Jury Prize and last year’s Sundance festival, this is just a well done mystery story. I love this movie’s well executed mood and its subtle build of suspense. It almost completely makes you ignore the fact that the character is basically going form scene to scene getting the “Our princess is in aonther castle screen” from Super Mario Bros.. But at the same time, that’s the point. It’s all about her frustration of finding her father and each time she finds road block after road block you feel it too. I really feel while it can suffer from repetition, it’s still a really good movie. 3.5 out of 5.
Inception: Great premise, well executed with great performances and amazing effects. All in all I loved this movie, as you probably already know from it’s placement on my top movies of 2010 and it was most certainly one of the best movies made this year past year. 4 out of 5.
The King’s Speech: Good movie. It’s a solid, well made period piece with a good script, great performances and a great all around feel good piece. What holds it back for me, is, well I see movies like this all the time and after really looking back, while this is a great example of how to do this kind of movie right, it still boils down to the fact that it’s a typical period piece. It’s a really good one, but overall I just feel it could have been more, but I’m pleasantly pleased with what I have. 4 out of 5.
Toy Story 3: Will win best animated film Certainly a great example of how animation shouldn’t just be treated as kid stuff and a damn fine movie to boot. Great jokes, poignant story and well round characters. 4.5 out of 5.
Black Swan: Best psychological thriller in years. Haunting photography, epic score, and a well rounded movie. Portman owns the movie, but doesn’t actually take it all away from the cast. Everyone gets to shine and all round this movie just rocks. 4.5 out of 5.
127 Hours: This movie works purely for James Franco’s heart breaking performance. This movie was one of the hardest I’ve had to watch in awhile and I mean that as the highest compliment, I don’t want to say more for fear of spoiling the movie, other than if you haven’t seen it, you really owe it to yourself. 4.5 out of 5.
True Grit: The Coens do it again. A well done western with great characters and a gripping fast paced story, brilliant photography and an all round great time at the movie. The Duke would be pleased, I’m sure. 4.5 out of 5.
The Fighter: I know what you’re probably thinking Really? Another movie about a guy from humble backgrounds that has a chance at a title shot and his trials in getting there? Do we really need another r one of these when we already have “Rocky” and “Raging Bull”?.... YES!!! This movie is well made. Borderline documentary style story about two brothers, one a has been, one an up and comer, and how their bond is tested by crack addiction, the call of fame, and the ties of family. Seriously, no other sports movie has been this compelling in a long time. 4.5 out of 5.
The Social Network: MY favorite of the nominees. It’s a movie that takes such a simple premise and does such a great job with it. I’ve already talked this movie to death but all I can say is, WOW! 5 out of 5.
But what will win? Well, while all the nominees this year I can honestly say are solid and wo0rth checking out, the race really only boils down to two movies. “The Social Network” and “The King’s Speech”. I’m not pointing out anything you don’t already know, and I’m pretty much certain that, while I really will be rooting for “The Social Network”, “The King’s Speech” is probably going to win. It’s basically going to boil down to the feel good movie winning out over the thinking person movie. Oh well, at least when it came to awards time this year we didn’t have crap like “The Blind Side” this time. See ya next time folks!
Best Supporting Actor
So this is one that will probably be pretty damn easy. My pick is going to be Christian Bale for “The Fighter”. He is so energetic that he practically steals the movie from lead Mark Wahlberg, and that’s the whole point of the movie, that Wahlberg’s Mickey is supposed to be over shadowed by Bale’s Dickey in the film. That and Bale is one of those people that’s a really damn good actor with an already impressive body of work and this is to date his best performance.
Best Supporting Actress
A little trickier, and took a lot of thought, but it’s probably going to be Helena Bonham Carter for “The King’s Speech”. The rest of the nominees are all very good and did great in their respective roles and my personal favorite was Amy Adams in “The Fighter” but from a stand point of what will actually win, Carter was in the big awards magnet and she was fantastic, and it’s a safe bet she’ll be the one to win.
Best Actor
Colin Firth for “The King’s Speech”. I don’t need to explain this. If you’ve seen the movie you’d know this already, the whole point of the film is this one role and Firth was just great in it. The majority of the performance isn’t even his lines, or delivery, it’s all in his face and expressions. Everyone else nominated has either won, or will get another shot soon, Firth has been nominated before and really should win.
Best Actress
I’m going to stick my neck out. Everyone is talking about Natalie Portman for “Black Swan”, and I would love to see that movie win one of the big boys this year, but I’m pretty confident that due to political motivation as well as penance for past over sights, Annette Bening will win for “The Kids are All Right”. Being has be up before three times, lost twice to the same person, and is well loved by Hollywood. What it really boils down to is, while this definitely was one of Portman’s best performances, Bening has been snubbed numerous times before and really has this one coming.
Best Adapted Screenplay
Aaron Sorkin for “The Social Network”. It’s kind of hard to argue that one of the best movies of the year, was simply put, about the founding of Facebook. The only way this could work is if you had two things solid, first being really good actors and seond they need to be working off a really good script. It’s the most talked about script of the year, it’s brilliant and it will most likely win.
Best Original Screenplay
Instantly I want to say “The King’s Speech” here, but really I have a gut feeling that this is going to go to “The Kids Are All Right”. Think about it. Most of the time in the last few years the movies with the overly dry humor and the unconventional set ups tend to be the ones that get this and that’s basically what “The Kid’s Are All Right” is. I know you may want to put any money on “King’s Speech” and it is still a heavy contender, but I’m putting mine on “The Kids Are All Right”.
Best Director
I’m just sure this is going to go to David Fincher for “The Social Network”. Fincher is one of the most respected filmmakers to come out of the 90’s, he’s long overdue for some awards recognition. I don’t even think there’s going to be any issue. David Fincher, “The Social Network”.
Best Picture
Okay, I have seen ALL the 10 movies up for the big prize. And honestly, they are all pretty damn good. I have issues with some of them but overall I enjoyed all these movies. So, before I name my prediction for Best Picture, let me go through and give a brief overview of each movie and an out of 5 rating for each.
The Kids Are All Right. This, is my least favorite nominee. I don’t really understand all the praise. It’s not doing anything different other than the whole angle of gay domestic partners raising a family, which has some nice moments in the movie, but basic all it ends up boiling down to yet another movie pointing out how families aren’t perfect and yeah, maybe that’s the point but I’m really just so sick of them that I may be acting a bit unfair. But honestly I just don’t see why I should find this movie so special other than the whole thing about the gay parents, I’m sorry, but I’m just not a fan of this genre because it’s over done. Not saying it was pure terrible, just that in general, I don’t really like this kind of movie. Not because I want to follow some Norman Rockwell ideal or whatever. But that I just don’t care for how predictable it gets and how overly dry the humor got. 3 out of 5
Winter’s Bone: Winner of the Grand Jury Prize and last year’s Sundance festival, this is just a well done mystery story. I love this movie’s well executed mood and its subtle build of suspense. It almost completely makes you ignore the fact that the character is basically going form scene to scene getting the “Our princess is in aonther castle screen” from Super Mario Bros.. But at the same time, that’s the point. It’s all about her frustration of finding her father and each time she finds road block after road block you feel it too. I really feel while it can suffer from repetition, it’s still a really good movie. 3.5 out of 5.
Inception: Great premise, well executed with great performances and amazing effects. All in all I loved this movie, as you probably already know from it’s placement on my top movies of 2010 and it was most certainly one of the best movies made this year past year. 4 out of 5.
The King’s Speech: Good movie. It’s a solid, well made period piece with a good script, great performances and a great all around feel good piece. What holds it back for me, is, well I see movies like this all the time and after really looking back, while this is a great example of how to do this kind of movie right, it still boils down to the fact that it’s a typical period piece. It’s a really good one, but overall I just feel it could have been more, but I’m pleasantly pleased with what I have. 4 out of 5.
Toy Story 3: Will win best animated film Certainly a great example of how animation shouldn’t just be treated as kid stuff and a damn fine movie to boot. Great jokes, poignant story and well round characters. 4.5 out of 5.
Black Swan: Best psychological thriller in years. Haunting photography, epic score, and a well rounded movie. Portman owns the movie, but doesn’t actually take it all away from the cast. Everyone gets to shine and all round this movie just rocks. 4.5 out of 5.
127 Hours: This movie works purely for James Franco’s heart breaking performance. This movie was one of the hardest I’ve had to watch in awhile and I mean that as the highest compliment, I don’t want to say more for fear of spoiling the movie, other than if you haven’t seen it, you really owe it to yourself. 4.5 out of 5.
True Grit: The Coens do it again. A well done western with great characters and a gripping fast paced story, brilliant photography and an all round great time at the movie. The Duke would be pleased, I’m sure. 4.5 out of 5.
The Fighter: I know what you’re probably thinking Really? Another movie about a guy from humble backgrounds that has a chance at a title shot and his trials in getting there? Do we really need another r one of these when we already have “Rocky” and “Raging Bull”?.... YES!!! This movie is well made. Borderline documentary style story about two brothers, one a has been, one an up and comer, and how their bond is tested by crack addiction, the call of fame, and the ties of family. Seriously, no other sports movie has been this compelling in a long time. 4.5 out of 5.
The Social Network: MY favorite of the nominees. It’s a movie that takes such a simple premise and does such a great job with it. I’ve already talked this movie to death but all I can say is, WOW! 5 out of 5.
But what will win? Well, while all the nominees this year I can honestly say are solid and wo0rth checking out, the race really only boils down to two movies. “The Social Network” and “The King’s Speech”. I’m not pointing out anything you don’t already know, and I’m pretty much certain that, while I really will be rooting for “The Social Network”, “The King’s Speech” is probably going to win. It’s basically going to boil down to the feel good movie winning out over the thinking person movie. Oh well, at least when it came to awards time this year we didn’t have crap like “The Blind Side” this time. See ya next time folks!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Lunatic's top 10 Guilty Pleasures
Well, once again Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Wither you see it as a hypocritical holiday that tries to force romance on the public and cause single people to drink heavily, or if you genuinely feel that it is a wonderful day where couples can have some quality time together using the given holiday as an excuse for a special occasion, it’s hard to deny that this particular time of the year has to do with romance and well, that big “L” word Love. And you probably think that I’m going to do the typical thing and use today to reference those movies that have the best love stories ever or something like that. But honestly, after all the horrible, HORRIBLE chick flicks I watched for that little two week event last summer as well as subjecting myself to the bafflingly popular “Twilight Saga”, I kind of hate romance films right now. You can call me an a-hole or a dorky loveless cynic or whatever you want, but today, I’m going to talk about something far more interesting and worth while than making a list that will just end with the top two spots going to “Casablanca” and “Gone With The Wind” like everyone knows will be the case anyway. I’m going to talk about movies that I love. No, this isn’t my favorite movies list or anything. Far from it, this is rather the movies that I love to watch, but I honestly shouldn’t, I actually feel wrong for doing so in some cases. Be it because they are poorly shot, terribly written or horribly acted. This is my top 10 movies I shouldn’t like but do, or my Guiltiest Guilty pleasures for short.
10. Roger Corman Movies.
I’m kind of cheating with this one. Anyone that is a big enough movie fan or just a big fan of cheesy B movies, has at least heard of Roger Corman. Corman is a director and producer that is famous for two big things: 1. Without him, people like Martin Scorsese, Joe Dante, and James Cameron would probably not have jobs right now, and 2. Being notoriously cheap and producing as many movies as he can, sometimes within a single production. Corman has famously done things like shoot 3 or 4 movies on a single set at the same time, re-cycle props and costumes, and even shoot ENTIRE MOVIES IN A DAY! (allegedly) And the results, well, they can be down right idiotic or oddly good. But they are always, ALWAYS entertaining. Hell, one of his most famous movies, “The Little Shop Of Horrors” has been turned into a Broadway Musical and then THAT was adapted into a movie Musical starring Steve Martin and Rick Moranis! I can’t really pin point one movie that he’s specifically directed or produced that I feel could just represent the whole spectrum of his work, so I’m lumping them all together and will just list off some that I feel are especially memorable.
- Humanoids From The Deep
- The Edgar Allen Poe Adaptations starring Vincent Price.
- A Bucket of Blood
- Piranha (1979)
And
- It Conquered The World
Check these flicks out and enjoy!
9. Commando
Ok, this one probably isn’t much of a surprise seeing as how I have an already confessed fondness for the occasional big dumb action movie, it’s why I had “Machete” on my list of the five most enjoyable movies of 2010. But if I had to pick a favorite, it’d have to be “Commando”. Why isn’t this higher on the list then? It’s pretty much everyone’s favorite big dumb action movie. Schwarzeneggar has never had much in the way of acting chops, but that’s part of his charm if you ask me. No one delivers one liners better than Ah-nuld and in certain roles like the Terminator movies, his stilted delivery actually works really well for the character. But anyway “Commando”, if you have to ask me why I like the movie, you clearly haven’t seen it. The action is absolutely silly and over the top, the premise is paper thin and un-godly stupid, and the one liners are just pure gold. My personal favorite? “Remembah Sully when I said I’d kill you last?… I lied.” This is silly 80’s action schlock at its absolute finest. I have no problems saying that it is impossible for this movie not to bring some enjoyment. If you haven’t seen it yet, invite your friends over, grab some beer and pop corn and have a good time.
8. The Tingler
William Castle’s career really makes me hate modern movie marketing. It’s all straight forward about being a movie and that you should see it for excess CGI (Clash of the Titans 2010) or these two big name, gorgeous actors are in a movie together for the first time (The Tourist). No, William Castle was awesome. And I’m so sad that his style of publicity for movies stopped before my time. Like Roger Corman, he would release mostly B movie schlock like “House on Haunted Hill” and things of that ilk. However, Castle made a huge spectacle of these movies, creating marketing gimmicks that just made the movie going public have to go see them. Things like insisting audiences sign liability wavers saying they wouldn’t sue the theaters or studio due to the harshly terrifying nature of the movie, when in reality it was mostly silly and had effects only slightly better than the average Ed Wood movie. But the best gimmick had to be what he came up with for “The Tingler”, a Vincent Price vehicle that is about, and this is seriously the plot, a parasite that lives in your spine and feeds on your fear, causing a “tingling” sensation and can only be defeated by screaming to release all the feelings of fear and stop the nourishment of the creature. That premise is so freaking silly and yet so genius in its ridiculousness that it is completely awesome. Price really works to sell it as something serious, and honestly if he can’t that no one can, but for me the crowning moment of the movie is a scene where one Tingler that they have removed from a dead body, gets loose in a theater and the film cuts out with Vincent Price’s voice demanding that the audience “SCREAM! SCREAM FOR YOUR LIFE!”. When released in theaters, Castle had certain theaters install seats that would vibrate when this part occurred in the movie, hopefully causing the occupant to be caught off guard and let out a shriek that would cause the whole theater to scream. That, that is just plain awesome. However, since this can’t exactly be replicated at home on video, the scene is just left in as is… and it’s hilarious. This movie is just a great time and cheesy as a plate of nachos, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
7. Godzilla: Final Wars.
Yeah, I love Godzilla. I almost don’t want to call this a guilty pleasure, I feel that most of the films in the long running Japanese franchise are actually pretty damn good. Buuut most of the time I bring up my love of these films, some one always points out how silly they are, or how formulaic they get, and of course, how it’s a guy in a suit and that’s just stupid. Well you know what? I. Do. Not. CARE! I love my cheesy Japanese monster movies and I love them best when they feature guys in costumes beating the crap out of each other! The whole point is that you sit back and just accept them for what they are, fun. And hell, in the Heisei series (aka the run of the films from “Godzilla 1985” to “Godzilla Vs. Destoroyah”) the effects hold up really well and I would even say look better than more than half of the putrid CGI abominations that get released today. Plus, when you suspend your disbelief, these movies are far far more entertaining than the total crap Michael Bay releases on a regular basis. Hell, the first one is seen as a full on classic by many respected film critics. So again, I love my giant radioactive lizard that routinely destroys Tokyo while fighting other giant monsters, and if there was one movie they made with the big guy that I just adored for the sheer fun of it, it would have to be “Godzilla: Final Wars”, to date the last film in the Godzilla franchise. This movie is just awesome. It has: Giant monster battles. Kung Fu fighting. Car chases. Space ship fights. Aliens pretending to be humans. Tons of city destruction. Dark humor. Silly humor, and of course… Godzilla taking on more monsters than I’ve ever seen in a single movie. Yes, it is silly. Yes, it is cheesy. And yes, I don’t care what you think of me. I say we need more movies with guys in monster costumes fighting each other.
6. Yor: Hunter From The Future
Ok, I’ll be honest. I had never even heard of this movie until about a year ago when I saw a video review of it. It looked silly and I figured it’d be worth a laugh. Oh man was I right. Trying to describe this movie is nearly impossible, ok that’s not quite true. It’s a basic Conan knock off with some poorly designed Dinosaurs, ridiculous make up, and by far some of the most over the top performances ever. But in some weird way, this movie just works. It’s fun. I especially love the last third of the movie where Yor and friends go to the mysterious island populated by robots and a cliché bad guy called the Overlord. This guy’s dialogue is pure gold and super fun to imitate. It’s also of note for being one of the first starring roles for B list action hero Reb Brown. I can’t explain why but there is something that makes this movie just bad enough that it’s cheesy and silly in a good way. From the moment the silly theme song starts, to the moment it sends us out with the end credits, this movie is just pure fun. I’m a little bothered this movie hasn’t had a DVD release in the states yet, but if you look really hard, you can find a VHS copy like I did. I own this movie and always love watching it when I’m in that mood for something epic in that special kind of way.
5. Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight
Here’s where things are going to get embarrassing. While I still defend my love of these movies, they are the ones that I know I probably shouldn’t like nearly as much as I do. This of course wasn’t the first time the Tales from the Crypt franchise went to the movies, (I may save those for a later day.) This was the first time that the modern TV show took it’s style to the big screen. How did they choose to do it? With a horror anthology? Ummm…. No, they went with an “Army Of Darkness” rip off. However I will confess that this movie always makes me laugh but feel guilty at the same time. Why’s that? Well, I like it for one big reason, it’s insanely immature, a criticism I’ve held against many other movies I’ve reviewed most notably “Gamer”. So yes, liking this makes me feel a little hypocritical, but in my defense, this is a movie that doesn’t really try and present itself as something other than aggressively juvenile and I love it for that. The problem I have with things like “Gamer” is well, it feels stupid to try and have a movie that is trying, I guess, to be taken seriously, and then turn around and show boobs for the sake of being able to. This movie, it feels like the excess is part of the fun. Hell, to be honest, I enjoyed the “Crank” movies for the same reason and they had the same creative team as “Gamer”. This movie is just fun. Peoples’ heads get punched through, there are gratuitous bare breasts, insanely over the top gore, corny puns and of course the Crypt keeper making bad jokes at the front and end of the movie. Not even touching the absolutely awesome turn Billy Zane takes as the lead demon. Really I just always have a great time with this movie and know that I shouldn’t, but all the same, it’s earned it’s rightful place on my DVD shelf.
4. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
I’ve said before that I like the first two Resident Evil movies, but I dislike the last two. I gave a little bit of a reason when I talked about “Afterlife” but I’ll elaborate a little further. I love the fact that these first two movies are insanely bad. No really, I never played the games or anything, I like these movies because they are stupid mindless fun and I have a great time making fun of them while watching them MST3K style. The problem I have with “Extinction” and “Afterlife” is that they are really, really boring. “Extinction” is a movie that seems to be trying to ape “Day of the Dead” and “The Road Warrior” at the same time, to a resoundingly uninteresting effect. And “afterlife” is a gimmicky piece of crap that tries to stretch at best 30 or so minutes of plot over an hour and half. The first two though, oh boy, these are some of the most interestingly bad things I’ve ever seen. I actually went to see this one twice opening weekend because I just had a great time laughing at it. It’s so stupid and wants to present itself as a serious adaptation of the video games from what I’ve seen, and I just can’t stop laughing at it. The performances are just terrible, but the action is interesting. The monsters are laughable, and made even more so by the fact people are trying to take it seriously in the movie. I honestly can’t really understand why people have such a problem with this one, aside from being a poor adaptation of the video game it’s based on. I don’t feel it’s all that bad if you just want a fun movie, but I’m quite the minority here so it makes number four purely because I seem to be one of the only people that likes it in any fashion.
3. Freddy versus Jason
Yeah, I don’t think I need to explain why I feel guilty about this one. But to be honest, I really don’t think this is that bad. In general movies that have matched up two completely different franchises have, well, sucked. You only need to look at “AVP” to know that. This one, I didn’t think was that bad. I watched it during a phase where I had seen all the “Nightmare on Elm Street” movies and had just finished slogging through the “Friday the 13th” movies. So naturally I figured I may as well sit down for the team up and I fully expected to hate it. Before you ask, I’ll take Freddy over Jason. Sorry to those fans of Mr. Voorhees, but I honestly don’t like him or his movies all that much. So yeah, I was rooting for Freddy the whole time. Yeah, the movie has a cop out ending, which is unfortunate, but I rather like how creative they got with the plot to bring these two together, and the fight scenes with the two of them are just great. The movie seems to know that it’s not supposed to be a serious horror film and I respect it for that. It’s a fun ride with great jokes, awesome kill scenes and a hook to ensure you’ll watch it from beginning to end.
2. The Rock
*Sigh* Yes. Yes, I know. I know how this looks. I am truly sorry for doing this, but I promised I’d be honest here. *Gulp* There is in fact ONE and only ONE Michael Bay movie that I like, “The Rock” starring Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery. And that’s actually why I like the movie right there: Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery, trying to one up each other in a silly action movie. It’s just golden. Everything else about the movie sucks. The story is stock action fodder, the actions scene are, eh, I guess competent seeing as this was before Bay really liked his shaky camera stuff we’ve sooooooo loved from the “Transformers” movies. In fact, if you had two other actors in these roles, I would say this movie was totally worthless. But it’s saved by Connery playing the gruff aging bad ass and Nic Cage playing a quirky scientist. They have the funniest acting exchanges I’ve seen in a movie and when I try and look back at what’s memorable about this movie, it is things like Cage doing weird face ticks and holding a gun shakily, or Connery saying: “Your best? Losers always whine about their best. Winners get to go home and fuck the prom queen.” I just can’t help it. Dumb crap like that makes me laugh and I think that it saves an otherwise terrible movie just by giving it that massive amount of entertainment value, intentional are not. This movie is here at number 2 because it’s a movie I admit I can’t fully hate, from a director I despise on every level.
So you’re probably asking. What could possibly make you feel more guilty than admitting to liking Michael Bay? How could you possibly top that? What could possibly be worse?
Well, since you asked… Here it goes.
1. Battlefield Earth
Yes, I actually enjoy what has been voted the worst movie of the last decade. I know how this looks. Anyone that has seen this movie can tell you that it’s probably one of the most incompetently made movies ever. ALL the shots of the movie are at a stupid angle, the pacing is crap, the tone shifts back and forth to the point it’s almost none existent, the plot make absolutely no sense and of course, it has some of the worst acting ever. Now, most of the other movies I’ve admitted to finding enjoyable, or just liking watching every once in awhile. Hell, even though I do have some enjoyment for it, I don’t actually want to own a copy of “The Rock”. This one though, I do want to own. I love this movie. Yes, I said it. This is my favorite movie that does absolutely everything wrong and I think it’s probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. That’s why I like it. I don’t think it’s some over bashed secret gem or some subtle commentary on society or whatever. I think it’s the most unintentionally funny thing ever made. I hated it the first time I saw it, but on a second viewing I couldn’t stop laughing. Once you get over the shock of how terrible the actual film making behind it is, it is just a ton of fun. There are bad movies that really make you hate yourself for sitting through them, and then there are bad movies that just make you laugh. This is the one that makes me laugh the hardest. I know that there are going to be some people won’t be able to take me seriously after saying this, but I can’t lie, I really love this movie. It’s like all those sci fi movies that got made in the 50’s and 60’s. You know the ones, where some idiots that didn’t know what the hell they were doing took a camera up to Bronson Canyon to make a movie. It has some of the dumbest aliens you will ever see, the effects are lousy and you have such a great time making fun of it. I feel this is one of those rare films we’re sort of lucky to get like “The Room”. Like I said, it’s a movie that does absolutely everything wrong, and I think by its existence it’s a great example to NOT follow. I just can’t help it, from the moment it starts to the moment it ends, I am always on the floor laughing myself silly. And I am not going to apologize for finding something entertaining in this total train wreck of a movie.
10. Roger Corman Movies.
I’m kind of cheating with this one. Anyone that is a big enough movie fan or just a big fan of cheesy B movies, has at least heard of Roger Corman. Corman is a director and producer that is famous for two big things: 1. Without him, people like Martin Scorsese, Joe Dante, and James Cameron would probably not have jobs right now, and 2. Being notoriously cheap and producing as many movies as he can, sometimes within a single production. Corman has famously done things like shoot 3 or 4 movies on a single set at the same time, re-cycle props and costumes, and even shoot ENTIRE MOVIES IN A DAY! (allegedly) And the results, well, they can be down right idiotic or oddly good. But they are always, ALWAYS entertaining. Hell, one of his most famous movies, “The Little Shop Of Horrors” has been turned into a Broadway Musical and then THAT was adapted into a movie Musical starring Steve Martin and Rick Moranis! I can’t really pin point one movie that he’s specifically directed or produced that I feel could just represent the whole spectrum of his work, so I’m lumping them all together and will just list off some that I feel are especially memorable.
- Humanoids From The Deep
- The Edgar Allen Poe Adaptations starring Vincent Price.
- A Bucket of Blood
- Piranha (1979)
And
- It Conquered The World
Check these flicks out and enjoy!
9. Commando
Ok, this one probably isn’t much of a surprise seeing as how I have an already confessed fondness for the occasional big dumb action movie, it’s why I had “Machete” on my list of the five most enjoyable movies of 2010. But if I had to pick a favorite, it’d have to be “Commando”. Why isn’t this higher on the list then? It’s pretty much everyone’s favorite big dumb action movie. Schwarzeneggar has never had much in the way of acting chops, but that’s part of his charm if you ask me. No one delivers one liners better than Ah-nuld and in certain roles like the Terminator movies, his stilted delivery actually works really well for the character. But anyway “Commando”, if you have to ask me why I like the movie, you clearly haven’t seen it. The action is absolutely silly and over the top, the premise is paper thin and un-godly stupid, and the one liners are just pure gold. My personal favorite? “Remembah Sully when I said I’d kill you last?… I lied.” This is silly 80’s action schlock at its absolute finest. I have no problems saying that it is impossible for this movie not to bring some enjoyment. If you haven’t seen it yet, invite your friends over, grab some beer and pop corn and have a good time.
8. The Tingler
William Castle’s career really makes me hate modern movie marketing. It’s all straight forward about being a movie and that you should see it for excess CGI (Clash of the Titans 2010) or these two big name, gorgeous actors are in a movie together for the first time (The Tourist). No, William Castle was awesome. And I’m so sad that his style of publicity for movies stopped before my time. Like Roger Corman, he would release mostly B movie schlock like “House on Haunted Hill” and things of that ilk. However, Castle made a huge spectacle of these movies, creating marketing gimmicks that just made the movie going public have to go see them. Things like insisting audiences sign liability wavers saying they wouldn’t sue the theaters or studio due to the harshly terrifying nature of the movie, when in reality it was mostly silly and had effects only slightly better than the average Ed Wood movie. But the best gimmick had to be what he came up with for “The Tingler”, a Vincent Price vehicle that is about, and this is seriously the plot, a parasite that lives in your spine and feeds on your fear, causing a “tingling” sensation and can only be defeated by screaming to release all the feelings of fear and stop the nourishment of the creature. That premise is so freaking silly and yet so genius in its ridiculousness that it is completely awesome. Price really works to sell it as something serious, and honestly if he can’t that no one can, but for me the crowning moment of the movie is a scene where one Tingler that they have removed from a dead body, gets loose in a theater and the film cuts out with Vincent Price’s voice demanding that the audience “SCREAM! SCREAM FOR YOUR LIFE!”. When released in theaters, Castle had certain theaters install seats that would vibrate when this part occurred in the movie, hopefully causing the occupant to be caught off guard and let out a shriek that would cause the whole theater to scream. That, that is just plain awesome. However, since this can’t exactly be replicated at home on video, the scene is just left in as is… and it’s hilarious. This movie is just a great time and cheesy as a plate of nachos, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
7. Godzilla: Final Wars.
Yeah, I love Godzilla. I almost don’t want to call this a guilty pleasure, I feel that most of the films in the long running Japanese franchise are actually pretty damn good. Buuut most of the time I bring up my love of these films, some one always points out how silly they are, or how formulaic they get, and of course, how it’s a guy in a suit and that’s just stupid. Well you know what? I. Do. Not. CARE! I love my cheesy Japanese monster movies and I love them best when they feature guys in costumes beating the crap out of each other! The whole point is that you sit back and just accept them for what they are, fun. And hell, in the Heisei series (aka the run of the films from “Godzilla 1985” to “Godzilla Vs. Destoroyah”) the effects hold up really well and I would even say look better than more than half of the putrid CGI abominations that get released today. Plus, when you suspend your disbelief, these movies are far far more entertaining than the total crap Michael Bay releases on a regular basis. Hell, the first one is seen as a full on classic by many respected film critics. So again, I love my giant radioactive lizard that routinely destroys Tokyo while fighting other giant monsters, and if there was one movie they made with the big guy that I just adored for the sheer fun of it, it would have to be “Godzilla: Final Wars”, to date the last film in the Godzilla franchise. This movie is just awesome. It has: Giant monster battles. Kung Fu fighting. Car chases. Space ship fights. Aliens pretending to be humans. Tons of city destruction. Dark humor. Silly humor, and of course… Godzilla taking on more monsters than I’ve ever seen in a single movie. Yes, it is silly. Yes, it is cheesy. And yes, I don’t care what you think of me. I say we need more movies with guys in monster costumes fighting each other.
6. Yor: Hunter From The Future
Ok, I’ll be honest. I had never even heard of this movie until about a year ago when I saw a video review of it. It looked silly and I figured it’d be worth a laugh. Oh man was I right. Trying to describe this movie is nearly impossible, ok that’s not quite true. It’s a basic Conan knock off with some poorly designed Dinosaurs, ridiculous make up, and by far some of the most over the top performances ever. But in some weird way, this movie just works. It’s fun. I especially love the last third of the movie where Yor and friends go to the mysterious island populated by robots and a cliché bad guy called the Overlord. This guy’s dialogue is pure gold and super fun to imitate. It’s also of note for being one of the first starring roles for B list action hero Reb Brown. I can’t explain why but there is something that makes this movie just bad enough that it’s cheesy and silly in a good way. From the moment the silly theme song starts, to the moment it sends us out with the end credits, this movie is just pure fun. I’m a little bothered this movie hasn’t had a DVD release in the states yet, but if you look really hard, you can find a VHS copy like I did. I own this movie and always love watching it when I’m in that mood for something epic in that special kind of way.
5. Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight
Here’s where things are going to get embarrassing. While I still defend my love of these movies, they are the ones that I know I probably shouldn’t like nearly as much as I do. This of course wasn’t the first time the Tales from the Crypt franchise went to the movies, (I may save those for a later day.) This was the first time that the modern TV show took it’s style to the big screen. How did they choose to do it? With a horror anthology? Ummm…. No, they went with an “Army Of Darkness” rip off. However I will confess that this movie always makes me laugh but feel guilty at the same time. Why’s that? Well, I like it for one big reason, it’s insanely immature, a criticism I’ve held against many other movies I’ve reviewed most notably “Gamer”. So yes, liking this makes me feel a little hypocritical, but in my defense, this is a movie that doesn’t really try and present itself as something other than aggressively juvenile and I love it for that. The problem I have with things like “Gamer” is well, it feels stupid to try and have a movie that is trying, I guess, to be taken seriously, and then turn around and show boobs for the sake of being able to. This movie, it feels like the excess is part of the fun. Hell, to be honest, I enjoyed the “Crank” movies for the same reason and they had the same creative team as “Gamer”. This movie is just fun. Peoples’ heads get punched through, there are gratuitous bare breasts, insanely over the top gore, corny puns and of course the Crypt keeper making bad jokes at the front and end of the movie. Not even touching the absolutely awesome turn Billy Zane takes as the lead demon. Really I just always have a great time with this movie and know that I shouldn’t, but all the same, it’s earned it’s rightful place on my DVD shelf.
4. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
I’ve said before that I like the first two Resident Evil movies, but I dislike the last two. I gave a little bit of a reason when I talked about “Afterlife” but I’ll elaborate a little further. I love the fact that these first two movies are insanely bad. No really, I never played the games or anything, I like these movies because they are stupid mindless fun and I have a great time making fun of them while watching them MST3K style. The problem I have with “Extinction” and “Afterlife” is that they are really, really boring. “Extinction” is a movie that seems to be trying to ape “Day of the Dead” and “The Road Warrior” at the same time, to a resoundingly uninteresting effect. And “afterlife” is a gimmicky piece of crap that tries to stretch at best 30 or so minutes of plot over an hour and half. The first two though, oh boy, these are some of the most interestingly bad things I’ve ever seen. I actually went to see this one twice opening weekend because I just had a great time laughing at it. It’s so stupid and wants to present itself as a serious adaptation of the video games from what I’ve seen, and I just can’t stop laughing at it. The performances are just terrible, but the action is interesting. The monsters are laughable, and made even more so by the fact people are trying to take it seriously in the movie. I honestly can’t really understand why people have such a problem with this one, aside from being a poor adaptation of the video game it’s based on. I don’t feel it’s all that bad if you just want a fun movie, but I’m quite the minority here so it makes number four purely because I seem to be one of the only people that likes it in any fashion.
3. Freddy versus Jason
Yeah, I don’t think I need to explain why I feel guilty about this one. But to be honest, I really don’t think this is that bad. In general movies that have matched up two completely different franchises have, well, sucked. You only need to look at “AVP” to know that. This one, I didn’t think was that bad. I watched it during a phase where I had seen all the “Nightmare on Elm Street” movies and had just finished slogging through the “Friday the 13th” movies. So naturally I figured I may as well sit down for the team up and I fully expected to hate it. Before you ask, I’ll take Freddy over Jason. Sorry to those fans of Mr. Voorhees, but I honestly don’t like him or his movies all that much. So yeah, I was rooting for Freddy the whole time. Yeah, the movie has a cop out ending, which is unfortunate, but I rather like how creative they got with the plot to bring these two together, and the fight scenes with the two of them are just great. The movie seems to know that it’s not supposed to be a serious horror film and I respect it for that. It’s a fun ride with great jokes, awesome kill scenes and a hook to ensure you’ll watch it from beginning to end.
2. The Rock
*Sigh* Yes. Yes, I know. I know how this looks. I am truly sorry for doing this, but I promised I’d be honest here. *Gulp* There is in fact ONE and only ONE Michael Bay movie that I like, “The Rock” starring Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery. And that’s actually why I like the movie right there: Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery, trying to one up each other in a silly action movie. It’s just golden. Everything else about the movie sucks. The story is stock action fodder, the actions scene are, eh, I guess competent seeing as this was before Bay really liked his shaky camera stuff we’ve sooooooo loved from the “Transformers” movies. In fact, if you had two other actors in these roles, I would say this movie was totally worthless. But it’s saved by Connery playing the gruff aging bad ass and Nic Cage playing a quirky scientist. They have the funniest acting exchanges I’ve seen in a movie and when I try and look back at what’s memorable about this movie, it is things like Cage doing weird face ticks and holding a gun shakily, or Connery saying: “Your best? Losers always whine about their best. Winners get to go home and fuck the prom queen.” I just can’t help it. Dumb crap like that makes me laugh and I think that it saves an otherwise terrible movie just by giving it that massive amount of entertainment value, intentional are not. This movie is here at number 2 because it’s a movie I admit I can’t fully hate, from a director I despise on every level.
So you’re probably asking. What could possibly make you feel more guilty than admitting to liking Michael Bay? How could you possibly top that? What could possibly be worse?
Well, since you asked… Here it goes.
1. Battlefield Earth
Yes, I actually enjoy what has been voted the worst movie of the last decade. I know how this looks. Anyone that has seen this movie can tell you that it’s probably one of the most incompetently made movies ever. ALL the shots of the movie are at a stupid angle, the pacing is crap, the tone shifts back and forth to the point it’s almost none existent, the plot make absolutely no sense and of course, it has some of the worst acting ever. Now, most of the other movies I’ve admitted to finding enjoyable, or just liking watching every once in awhile. Hell, even though I do have some enjoyment for it, I don’t actually want to own a copy of “The Rock”. This one though, I do want to own. I love this movie. Yes, I said it. This is my favorite movie that does absolutely everything wrong and I think it’s probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. That’s why I like it. I don’t think it’s some over bashed secret gem or some subtle commentary on society or whatever. I think it’s the most unintentionally funny thing ever made. I hated it the first time I saw it, but on a second viewing I couldn’t stop laughing. Once you get over the shock of how terrible the actual film making behind it is, it is just a ton of fun. There are bad movies that really make you hate yourself for sitting through them, and then there are bad movies that just make you laugh. This is the one that makes me laugh the hardest. I know that there are going to be some people won’t be able to take me seriously after saying this, but I can’t lie, I really love this movie. It’s like all those sci fi movies that got made in the 50’s and 60’s. You know the ones, where some idiots that didn’t know what the hell they were doing took a camera up to Bronson Canyon to make a movie. It has some of the dumbest aliens you will ever see, the effects are lousy and you have such a great time making fun of it. I feel this is one of those rare films we’re sort of lucky to get like “The Room”. Like I said, it’s a movie that does absolutely everything wrong, and I think by its existence it’s a great example to NOT follow. I just can’t help it, from the moment it starts to the moment it ends, I am always on the floor laughing myself silly. And I am not going to apologize for finding something entertaining in this total train wreck of a movie.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
The top 5 best movies of 2010
Ok, The Oscars are finally out and only now am I actually putting up what I felt were the best from the movies of last year. I haven’t seen all the Oscar nominees yet, but I’ve seen several of them and I’m planning on seeing them all with in the next couple of weeks and I well give you all my two cents about them once I’ve seen all of them, I promise. Until then, here are my top 5 best movies of 2010.
5. Inception.
So yeah, I really liked Inception. I almost don’t want to say much about why I liked this movie though. I mean, it’s one of the best reviewed and highest grossing movies of the year and I have seen it several times. I would almost call it perfect, almost. But I only rank it at five because honestly, I feel that while it is a phenomenally clever movie, and it has some of the most amazing imagery in the cinema, it was still basically the best thinking man’s action movie. Granted, I said it was the best, and there are a lot of the movies that could make that claim, but thanks to the creativeness of it’s action scenes, the well thought script, and the solid chemistry in the cast shoot this movie all the way to the top of the pile and it’s place here at number 5.
4. Shutter Island.
Am I the only one that finds it kind of funny that Leonardo Di Caprio made two movies this year where he played men that were sort of mentally unhinged and had guilt complex involving his dead wife? Anyway, Shutter island, great little movies that I saw that made me fall in love with a single director all over again. To me, Scorsese has made just another movie that shows he doesn’t just have to make high brow dramatic movies. In fact I would say while I always find his movies enjoyable this was highly enjoyable in a different way than normal. I always liked his remake of Cape Fear because it was different from your average thriller, and this movie was no exception. It on the surface feels like just another murder mystery in an exotic location but then it gradually begins to feel more like a haunted house film, and then the movie becomes a tense psychological thriller. I have no complaints with this movie at all. It’s just a perfectly constructed thriller with a great creative team behind it and some of the most haunting images I’ve seen in a movie in a very long time.
3. Black Swan
This movie was just a trip. It was so damn weird, yet so brilliant in its weirdness. The photography is just brilliant, giving the movie a grim foreboding tone and the movie weaves its plot through that dark mood. Following a ballerina that fighting with her own grasp of reality, the movies has creepy imagery, great music and a shocking performance from Natalie Portman. I don’t know how to really describe this movie, I don’t want to spoil it, but all I can think back on it was all the moments in it. It’s such a great movie. I insist, insist I say, that you go see this movie, you will not regret it.
2. The Social Network
It’s a movie about the creation of Facebook, it is also awesome. This script was just dripping with sweet dialogue and wonderful character beats. The direction here is just perfect. I know I said I’d hold off on calling any of the Oscars winners, but I have to make an exception here, David Fincher, for best director. He makes some of the most mundane, dull, and lifeless things like, computer code writing and legal proceedings seem like some of the most exciting and down right compelling things ever. Not that Aaron Sorkin’s script didn’t do the same thing. The performances are all top notch and I actually wished this movie was longer than it was. I seriously could have made it through a whole other hour uif it was there. That’s how well done this movie is and I just love it.
1. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
I have seen this movie seven times. Seven times. This movie is just sooooo damn good. It’s creative, mixing genres, relationship issues, and some of the funniest performances into one pot then being brave enough to serve the results. I just love this movie. Micheal Cera actually gives one of the best performances I’ve seen him give. The fight scenes are all memorable and creative. On top of that, it feels like this movie was helmed by a brilliantly crazy person. I’ve been a fan of Edgar Wright since his big screen debut Shaun Of The Dead and I’ve yet to be disappointed by a movie of his. To me, this can just can’t make a bad movie. I’ve seen all three of his feature films and all of them have just been amazingly fun. To me, this was the best movie of the year and it was a real shame that this movie wasn’t more successful.
5. Inception.
So yeah, I really liked Inception. I almost don’t want to say much about why I liked this movie though. I mean, it’s one of the best reviewed and highest grossing movies of the year and I have seen it several times. I would almost call it perfect, almost. But I only rank it at five because honestly, I feel that while it is a phenomenally clever movie, and it has some of the most amazing imagery in the cinema, it was still basically the best thinking man’s action movie. Granted, I said it was the best, and there are a lot of the movies that could make that claim, but thanks to the creativeness of it’s action scenes, the well thought script, and the solid chemistry in the cast shoot this movie all the way to the top of the pile and it’s place here at number 5.
4. Shutter Island.
Am I the only one that finds it kind of funny that Leonardo Di Caprio made two movies this year where he played men that were sort of mentally unhinged and had guilt complex involving his dead wife? Anyway, Shutter island, great little movies that I saw that made me fall in love with a single director all over again. To me, Scorsese has made just another movie that shows he doesn’t just have to make high brow dramatic movies. In fact I would say while I always find his movies enjoyable this was highly enjoyable in a different way than normal. I always liked his remake of Cape Fear because it was different from your average thriller, and this movie was no exception. It on the surface feels like just another murder mystery in an exotic location but then it gradually begins to feel more like a haunted house film, and then the movie becomes a tense psychological thriller. I have no complaints with this movie at all. It’s just a perfectly constructed thriller with a great creative team behind it and some of the most haunting images I’ve seen in a movie in a very long time.
3. Black Swan
This movie was just a trip. It was so damn weird, yet so brilliant in its weirdness. The photography is just brilliant, giving the movie a grim foreboding tone and the movie weaves its plot through that dark mood. Following a ballerina that fighting with her own grasp of reality, the movies has creepy imagery, great music and a shocking performance from Natalie Portman. I don’t know how to really describe this movie, I don’t want to spoil it, but all I can think back on it was all the moments in it. It’s such a great movie. I insist, insist I say, that you go see this movie, you will not regret it.
2. The Social Network
It’s a movie about the creation of Facebook, it is also awesome. This script was just dripping with sweet dialogue and wonderful character beats. The direction here is just perfect. I know I said I’d hold off on calling any of the Oscars winners, but I have to make an exception here, David Fincher, for best director. He makes some of the most mundane, dull, and lifeless things like, computer code writing and legal proceedings seem like some of the most exciting and down right compelling things ever. Not that Aaron Sorkin’s script didn’t do the same thing. The performances are all top notch and I actually wished this movie was longer than it was. I seriously could have made it through a whole other hour uif it was there. That’s how well done this movie is and I just love it.
1. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
I have seen this movie seven times. Seven times. This movie is just sooooo damn good. It’s creative, mixing genres, relationship issues, and some of the funniest performances into one pot then being brave enough to serve the results. I just love this movie. Micheal Cera actually gives one of the best performances I’ve seen him give. The fight scenes are all memorable and creative. On top of that, it feels like this movie was helmed by a brilliantly crazy person. I’ve been a fan of Edgar Wright since his big screen debut Shaun Of The Dead and I’ve yet to be disappointed by a movie of his. To me, this can just can’t make a bad movie. I’ve seen all three of his feature films and all of them have just been amazingly fun. To me, this was the best movie of the year and it was a real shame that this movie wasn’t more successful.
Monday, January 24, 2011
The top 5 most entertaining movies of 2010
So we’re a few weeks into 2011, and while I had absolutely no problem looking back and remembering what 10 movies sucked the most, or were the most painful to sit through, I have had a fair bit more trouble looking back and remembering 10 films that I actually thought were good. It’s not that I have hugely high standards, but I do have standards, and in 2010 well, they were hardly ever met, let alone exceeded. However I did think of 5 movies that I thought were good, solid and amazingly impressive works, and I also have 5 that I just thought were fun or very enjoyable. So, for you my loyal readers, I’m going to be nice and give you two lists. One being my top 5 just fun/most enjoyable movies of 2010, and the other being the 5 I thought were the actual best of the year. So here we go, my top 10 of 2010, sorta.
The 5 most enjoyable movies of 2010
5. Machete
Machete is one of those rare movies that I saw, thought about reviewing, but then decided I shouldn’t. Mindless action films like this are kind of not all that fun to review because it requires me to bring up a lot of the negative parts and nit picks. For me, when the movie isn’t all that fun to watch like “Boondock Saints 2” or “From Paris With Love” or “The Expendables” (Yes, I’m one of those people that thinks “The Expendables” sucked. Just deal with it because deep down, you know I’m right.) I’m actually quite happy to do that. An action movie should be a fun ride with lots of cool things and if it fails in that regard I shouldn’t let it get away with anything because of fan service nods to other films from the actor’s resume or the fact that it has a bunch of really cool action stars in it. “Machete” however, was the only balls to the wall R rated summer action movie I went to that I had a great time with. Robert Rodriguez has been one of my favorites for guilty pleasure action movies and he didn’t let me down here. The action is over the top and awesome, the one liners are hilarious, and the movie’s story, well, actually feels like a story. It’s nice that my favorite trailer from “Grindhouse” actually got made into a movie, and it was awesome to see Danny Trejo headline after being a supporting staple for so long. Not wanting to give too much away and just say see this movie if you haven’t already, but all I will tell you is this: You will never look at Robert De Niro the same after you watch this.
4. Hot Tub Time Machine
This was one of the funniest movies I saw this year. I swear, no other movie had a better set up, funnier cast or better executed gags. The story is simple, a bunch of guys go to a winter lodge they had a great time at as youths and then get into a hot tub that, somehow transplants them into the bodies of themselves back in the 80’s. This movie is a love letter to those raunchy comedies from the 80’s like “Porky’s” and “Caddyshack”. IF you avoided seeing this movie because of the title, like I am ashamed to admit was the case, shame on you! This movie was so damn funny and so well thought out in its humor that it should have been up for the Golden Globe for best comedy. Hell, it got better reviews than actual nominee “Alice in Wonderland” and the performances where are top notch from everyone involved. Honestly if I had to compare it to another comedy to emphasize how good it was, it’d be “Back to the Future”. Yes, one of my all time favorite movies is the only base line for comparison that I think comes close. Granted, “Hot Tub Time Machine” is nowhere near as good as “Back to the Future”, but in all seriousness, this movie is my favorite straight comedy of 2010 and I laugh every time I see it.
3. RED
I’ll just say it, I’m putting this movie on the list purely because I am a Bruce Willis Fan Boy. But what I liked most about this movie wasn’t just that it was a Bruce Willis action fest. Rather I loved this movie because it was funny, it was exciting, it had a great ensemble cast, and it remembers that action movies aren’t supposed to be taken all that seriously most of the time. I had a very hard time deciding which I like better between this and “Machete” and I ultimately chose this over the latter will, because “Machete” kind of fell apart in the last act and got a little overly political. It didn’t ruin the movie, but it was a bit of a WTF moment while watching it. “RED” on the other hand was non stop funny action set piece after another. The whole cast getting to shine in parts they are clearly having the time of their lives with, as well as amazingly well done story elements, made “RED” a far more satisfying movie. It was funny, exciting and all in all the best action movie of 2010.
2. Splice
Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE morality based science fiction. Things like most of David Cronenberg’s work in the 80’s, in particular “Scanners” and “The Fly”. And I’ve been aching and aching AND ACHING for a movie that returned to that kind of form for a very long time. I finally got what I asked for in “Splice”. A fringe sci fi movie that is basically a modern re-vamp of the Frankenstein based around genetic engineering. In this version, two scientists are the rock stars of their filed and decide to try and add human DNA to their experiments to see the results, which takes the form of DREN, and then they are faced with a dilemma: Is DREN the same as a human being? This movie is just great. This and the next movie on this list would probably have been on a top 10 list if I could have thought of 3 other movies that I thought were actually good that I saw from 2010. Most especially, I want to bring attention to “Splice” because it is one of those versions of the Frankenstein idea that doesn’t actually miss the point of the story, being ethics. The movie’s focus on the two principles and their status as a couple is used to a jaw dropping amount of effectiveness from beginning to end and it never tries to hold back. It’s hands down the most under appreciated movie of the year and you owe it to yourself to see it for yourself if you haven’t already.
1. Toy Story 3
Best kids movie of the year, bar none! I haven’t seen the other favorite “How To Train Your Dragon” yet, but I have no doubt that it couldn't possibly top this amazing animated film. The “Toy Story” movies have always been favorites of mine since the first film came out when I was seven and now at 24 I still love it and the second film. So I was very pleased when the third film rounded out the franchise for an all around great conclusion and a great film in general. I’ve seen “Toy Story 3” a total of four times now and each time I watch I love it more and more. It’s fun and creative and at times it can also be very dark. It’s that rare family film that doesn’t hold itself back for the sake of being for children. It goes out of it’s way to have complex themes while at the same time executing them simply enough that young children won’t feel left out. “Toy Story 3” was yet another reason why I keep telling people that no matter what your opinion of computer generated animation, you should ALWAYS go to PIXAR movies. They are some of the rare movies that actually feel like they are the next big step in the evolution of film and movies like “Toy Story 3”, “Up” and “WALL-E” are more than proof enough. Seriously, watch this movie NOW!
The 5 most enjoyable movies of 2010
5. Machete
Machete is one of those rare movies that I saw, thought about reviewing, but then decided I shouldn’t. Mindless action films like this are kind of not all that fun to review because it requires me to bring up a lot of the negative parts and nit picks. For me, when the movie isn’t all that fun to watch like “Boondock Saints 2” or “From Paris With Love” or “The Expendables” (Yes, I’m one of those people that thinks “The Expendables” sucked. Just deal with it because deep down, you know I’m right.) I’m actually quite happy to do that. An action movie should be a fun ride with lots of cool things and if it fails in that regard I shouldn’t let it get away with anything because of fan service nods to other films from the actor’s resume or the fact that it has a bunch of really cool action stars in it. “Machete” however, was the only balls to the wall R rated summer action movie I went to that I had a great time with. Robert Rodriguez has been one of my favorites for guilty pleasure action movies and he didn’t let me down here. The action is over the top and awesome, the one liners are hilarious, and the movie’s story, well, actually feels like a story. It’s nice that my favorite trailer from “Grindhouse” actually got made into a movie, and it was awesome to see Danny Trejo headline after being a supporting staple for so long. Not wanting to give too much away and just say see this movie if you haven’t already, but all I will tell you is this: You will never look at Robert De Niro the same after you watch this.
4. Hot Tub Time Machine
This was one of the funniest movies I saw this year. I swear, no other movie had a better set up, funnier cast or better executed gags. The story is simple, a bunch of guys go to a winter lodge they had a great time at as youths and then get into a hot tub that, somehow transplants them into the bodies of themselves back in the 80’s. This movie is a love letter to those raunchy comedies from the 80’s like “Porky’s” and “Caddyshack”. IF you avoided seeing this movie because of the title, like I am ashamed to admit was the case, shame on you! This movie was so damn funny and so well thought out in its humor that it should have been up for the Golden Globe for best comedy. Hell, it got better reviews than actual nominee “Alice in Wonderland” and the performances where are top notch from everyone involved. Honestly if I had to compare it to another comedy to emphasize how good it was, it’d be “Back to the Future”. Yes, one of my all time favorite movies is the only base line for comparison that I think comes close. Granted, “Hot Tub Time Machine” is nowhere near as good as “Back to the Future”, but in all seriousness, this movie is my favorite straight comedy of 2010 and I laugh every time I see it.
3. RED
I’ll just say it, I’m putting this movie on the list purely because I am a Bruce Willis Fan Boy. But what I liked most about this movie wasn’t just that it was a Bruce Willis action fest. Rather I loved this movie because it was funny, it was exciting, it had a great ensemble cast, and it remembers that action movies aren’t supposed to be taken all that seriously most of the time. I had a very hard time deciding which I like better between this and “Machete” and I ultimately chose this over the latter will, because “Machete” kind of fell apart in the last act and got a little overly political. It didn’t ruin the movie, but it was a bit of a WTF moment while watching it. “RED” on the other hand was non stop funny action set piece after another. The whole cast getting to shine in parts they are clearly having the time of their lives with, as well as amazingly well done story elements, made “RED” a far more satisfying movie. It was funny, exciting and all in all the best action movie of 2010.
2. Splice
Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE morality based science fiction. Things like most of David Cronenberg’s work in the 80’s, in particular “Scanners” and “The Fly”. And I’ve been aching and aching AND ACHING for a movie that returned to that kind of form for a very long time. I finally got what I asked for in “Splice”. A fringe sci fi movie that is basically a modern re-vamp of the Frankenstein based around genetic engineering. In this version, two scientists are the rock stars of their filed and decide to try and add human DNA to their experiments to see the results, which takes the form of DREN, and then they are faced with a dilemma: Is DREN the same as a human being? This movie is just great. This and the next movie on this list would probably have been on a top 10 list if I could have thought of 3 other movies that I thought were actually good that I saw from 2010. Most especially, I want to bring attention to “Splice” because it is one of those versions of the Frankenstein idea that doesn’t actually miss the point of the story, being ethics. The movie’s focus on the two principles and their status as a couple is used to a jaw dropping amount of effectiveness from beginning to end and it never tries to hold back. It’s hands down the most under appreciated movie of the year and you owe it to yourself to see it for yourself if you haven’t already.
1. Toy Story 3
Best kids movie of the year, bar none! I haven’t seen the other favorite “How To Train Your Dragon” yet, but I have no doubt that it couldn't possibly top this amazing animated film. The “Toy Story” movies have always been favorites of mine since the first film came out when I was seven and now at 24 I still love it and the second film. So I was very pleased when the third film rounded out the franchise for an all around great conclusion and a great film in general. I’ve seen “Toy Story 3” a total of four times now and each time I watch I love it more and more. It’s fun and creative and at times it can also be very dark. It’s that rare family film that doesn’t hold itself back for the sake of being for children. It goes out of it’s way to have complex themes while at the same time executing them simply enough that young children won’t feel left out. “Toy Story 3” was yet another reason why I keep telling people that no matter what your opinion of computer generated animation, you should ALWAYS go to PIXAR movies. They are some of the rare movies that actually feel like they are the next big step in the evolution of film and movies like “Toy Story 3”, “Up” and “WALL-E” are more than proof enough. Seriously, watch this movie NOW!
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Worst of 2010
Happy New Year All!!!
I'm finally back and ready to get right back into reviewing movies. I'm going to attempt to be more regular with my material and I would like to start with the a couple looks back to the previous year. And just so it's out of the way, let's get the bad over with. So here we go, Cinema Lunatic's Top 10 Worst movies of 2010! Let's go!
10. Book of Eli. This may be a little confusing, seeing as back when I reviewed this movie last year I gave it a pretty positive review, and yeah, there is plenty good here. However, something that I think makes for a really good movie, is re-watchabilty. Book of Eli, well, it not only doesn’t have that, but when I rented it on DVD to watch again, I was actually really angry at it. Those who haven’t heard yet, the twist to the end of the movie is that, spoiler alert, Eli is blind and the bible he was carrying is written in brail. When I first saw it, this twist did bother me, but it didn’t piss me off until I went back and watched the movie again, because all the things that Eli does in this movie, make no sense if he’s blind. A lot of the fighting, shooting, even dialogue scenes make no sense anymore because, and this isn’t meant to sound mean or anything, but I can’t suspend my disbelief enough to believe that a blind person can pull them off. Seriously, this ending is so stupid that it ruins an otherwise pretty decent movie and I would say is the worst twist since “The Village”. That’s why Book of Eli gets number 10.
9. From Paris with Love. This really shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. I already wrote a full review of this movie and why I didn’t really care for it, but all the same, it’s number 9. My biggest problems with this movie were that the narrative was crap, the action was uninteresting, and the characters are unbelievably dull. The only thing that saved it from being higher up is that my favorite ‘not all that great’ actor, John Travolta, steals the show with a performance so over the top and flat out silly that you can’t help but laugh. Still, a funny performance isn’t enough to save an action movie this boring.
8. The Wolfman. I’d say that this is on here because it’s a remake of a classic, but that’d just be stubborn and narrow minded, hell I always at least try and go in with an open mind to these kinds of things. But all the same, while I’m not really prepared to dismiss the movie as flat out terrible, it is pretty mediocre. Most of the problem is that the film can’t seem to figure out what it really wants to be. At times it feels like an over the top monster movie, other times it feels like a psychological thriller, a romance and so on. This isn’t just limited to the movie though. Each actor honestly seems to be giving performances for totally out there movies, and all of a different genre. I can’t wrap my mind out of why this movie ended up the way it did. The effects range from ok to meh, with the only good thing being a make up for the wolfman designed by make effects god Rick Baker. But really, that’s the only positive I can give. All in all this movie just didn’t do much for me and while it had glimpses of good ideas, they never really got off the ground. Basically I’m picking this remake over “Clash of the Titans” because it was way more of a disappointment, not just because it’s another stupid remake, but because it could have been better, but just didn’t go anywhere.
7. Resident Evil Afterlife. I’m just going to say it. I didn’t see this movie in the 3D that it was advertised in. I don’t care for 3D as I’ve said before, I don’t think that the excuse of seeing a movie not in 3D when it is available makes it worse. I also must confess, I had a bit of a soft spot for the Resident Evil movies as a guilty pleasure, until the third one. The fact that these movies are trying to be a little more serious now, makes me like them less. I know, it sounds weird that I’m complaining about a series having movies that are technically getting better, but what I always liked was how bad these movies were. They were way more entertaining when they were stupid and fun, but not they’re just stupid. Really stupid. And the latest movie, well, not only is it stupid, it’s boring. This movie has an abysmal pace and so much slow motion that I’m positive if you put it all at regular speed the movie would only be 45 minutes. That’s all I have to say, stupid, boring and my number 7.
6. The Tourist. Yes, they made a movie with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, two very talented, very attractive people. They picked Venice Italy for the central location, a very cool looking and interesting place with tons of potential. So, why is this movie one of the worst? It’s boring. The movie is basically a very weak rip off of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic “North by Northwest” about an ordinary guy that’s pulled into a dangerous situation due to mistaken identity. It’s not a bad premise, but overall it’s so poorly executed that I can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s nominated for the Golden Globe for best comedy. It goes nowhere pretty fast and it’s never all that funny even though you can clearly tell that both Jolie and Depp are trying very hard in their roles. The problem is the movie never gives them anything interesting to do. They never take full advantage of the location save for one really underwhelming boat chase, most of the time it’s just Jolie and Depp, staring at each other then it’s Paul Bettany trying to find Jolie’s mystery boyfriend and always failing. That’s it; lather, rinse and repeat. The only time the movie gets at all good is when Timothy “I can steal the show no matter what” Dalton shows up and plays a character so dead pan hilarious that you just wish the whole movie was about him. On top of that, this movie has a twist at the end that I will just flat out say is stupider than “Book of Eli”. Yes, the end of this movie is stupider than finding out that Denzel Washington was blind the whole time. Think about that.
5. Saw 3D: The Final Chapter. I hate the Saw movies. I’ve never felt that they ever were all that good, even back when they started. The only time I had hope was when the second movie took the series and made it a really twisted version of Agatha Christie’s “Ten Little Indians” idea. But then it decided to go to a clichéd formula and just got worse with each movie, and this supposed “final” installment, is probably the worst of them all. Before anyone asks, yes. Yes I saw this stupid movie in the advertised 3D, and you know what? It was not worth the 5 extra bucks that I paid. I actually have seen ALL of the Saw movies, but only on DVD because I don’t see the point of going to these stupid things in theaters when I can rent them for half as much. I went to see this one in theaters because if I was going to see this, I might as well see it with the gimmicky 3D and get it over with. Here’s the thing though, the 3D hardly works! It was poorly planned out, never really felt noticeable and added nothing to the movie besides a bad head ache. Plus, the characters were stupid, the premise the dumbest of the franchise, and none of the traps nearly as inventive as any of the other films. So in other words, this movie doesn’t even have appeal for the fans that have kept it so damn popular for the last six years. Good grief what a waste of film…. Speaking of…
4. Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Do I even have to explain why this one’s on the list? Really, who hasn’t just condemned the whole franchise as a stupid joke? Alright, here it goes. Eclipse, like the previous two installments, is 1. Boring and repetitive. 2. Filled with bland, poorly written, underdeveloped, idiotic characters. 3. Some of the most offensive themes and morals I’ve seen in anything in recent history, and proves that 4. Bella Swan is one of the most unsympathetic, horribly despicable leading female characters ever created.No, I haven’t read the damn books, nor do I wish to. The plot is the same thing as the last movie, and once again, I spent the whole movie wishing that it was about any of the supporting cast more than it was the two leads. God, I’ve sat through the first two films and none of them have ever been good. Nothing happens in them! And this one, when something does actually happen, it’s just a huge anticlimax. The fact that I can safely call this movie the best one so far and still have it on my list of worst films of the year is really telling of how absolutely awful this franchise is, and what makes me angrier is that I know my complaints aren’t going to do anything to effect the popularity of it. Considering that these movies teach its intended female audience that stalking is supposed to be charming among many other horrible things, that really terrifies me.
3. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. Again, I wrote a review for this, and I don’t have much to add. This silly movie was pointless, confusing, and stupid. I called it Tim Burton’s equivalent to “Star Wars: Episode 1” and I still stand by that statement. So what if it’s more of a sequel? So what if it has concepts and characters from “Through the Looking Glass”? None of those things excuse this movie for being boring, sloppy, and unentertaining. While it’s not the absolute worst movie this year, it was the one I was the most disappointed by.
2. The Last Airbender. I only just saw this movie. I literally finished it right before I sat down and I just had to put it at number 2. M. Night Shymalan has lost any and all credibility that he had with me, and this is going to go down as his worst movie if he never makes another one. Nearly EVERY SINGLE line of dialogue in this movie is blatant exposition and because of it, the movie never gives the characters any development, personality or anything at all really. So once the action sequences get started you don’t really care and it’s just boring effects doing stuff that you ultimately won’t remember later because it’s about the equivalent of jingling keys in front of a toddler over and over to the point where they’ve lost all entertainment from them. Added to that, they spend so much time explaining but still you have no idea what the hell is going on. The performances are all really bland, and this movie finally gave us a more annoying child actor than Jake Lloyd as Anakin Skywalker. Scary I know. Overall I just can’t see who this movie was made for. It can’t be for kids, it’s too boring and kids are in fact smarter than this! It’s not for adult for sure, because it’s just stupid and dull. Who the hell is it for? I haven’t the slightest clue, all I know is that it’s my number 2 and yeah, I’d go so far as to call it a big piece of number 2.
1. Nightmare On Elm Street (2010). Was there any doubt this would be the worst? I ranted so hard about this movie that I don’t feel like retreading old ground. But really, this is number one because it’s a pathetic attempt at filmmaking. It’s a shameless cash grab. It’s an abomination. The only thing close to being redeeming is that Jackie Earl Haley shows potential to be a good Freddy, but the movie gives him nothing to do that is remotely scary or interesting and it’s such a waste. I’m going to try and cut down on the swearing for the sake of professionalism this year, but before I do I just want to say this. Fuck this movie. Fuck the director. Fuck the writers, the producers and the studio. Fuck them all. This movie is a waste and I cannot speak enough for how much I want the time this movie took from my life back. Seriously, fuck this movie.
Stay tuned for the 10 best and a new review every week!
I'm finally back and ready to get right back into reviewing movies. I'm going to attempt to be more regular with my material and I would like to start with the a couple looks back to the previous year. And just so it's out of the way, let's get the bad over with. So here we go, Cinema Lunatic's Top 10 Worst movies of 2010! Let's go!
10. Book of Eli. This may be a little confusing, seeing as back when I reviewed this movie last year I gave it a pretty positive review, and yeah, there is plenty good here. However, something that I think makes for a really good movie, is re-watchabilty. Book of Eli, well, it not only doesn’t have that, but when I rented it on DVD to watch again, I was actually really angry at it. Those who haven’t heard yet, the twist to the end of the movie is that, spoiler alert, Eli is blind and the bible he was carrying is written in brail. When I first saw it, this twist did bother me, but it didn’t piss me off until I went back and watched the movie again, because all the things that Eli does in this movie, make no sense if he’s blind. A lot of the fighting, shooting, even dialogue scenes make no sense anymore because, and this isn’t meant to sound mean or anything, but I can’t suspend my disbelief enough to believe that a blind person can pull them off. Seriously, this ending is so stupid that it ruins an otherwise pretty decent movie and I would say is the worst twist since “The Village”. That’s why Book of Eli gets number 10.
9. From Paris with Love. This really shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. I already wrote a full review of this movie and why I didn’t really care for it, but all the same, it’s number 9. My biggest problems with this movie were that the narrative was crap, the action was uninteresting, and the characters are unbelievably dull. The only thing that saved it from being higher up is that my favorite ‘not all that great’ actor, John Travolta, steals the show with a performance so over the top and flat out silly that you can’t help but laugh. Still, a funny performance isn’t enough to save an action movie this boring.
8. The Wolfman. I’d say that this is on here because it’s a remake of a classic, but that’d just be stubborn and narrow minded, hell I always at least try and go in with an open mind to these kinds of things. But all the same, while I’m not really prepared to dismiss the movie as flat out terrible, it is pretty mediocre. Most of the problem is that the film can’t seem to figure out what it really wants to be. At times it feels like an over the top monster movie, other times it feels like a psychological thriller, a romance and so on. This isn’t just limited to the movie though. Each actor honestly seems to be giving performances for totally out there movies, and all of a different genre. I can’t wrap my mind out of why this movie ended up the way it did. The effects range from ok to meh, with the only good thing being a make up for the wolfman designed by make effects god Rick Baker. But really, that’s the only positive I can give. All in all this movie just didn’t do much for me and while it had glimpses of good ideas, they never really got off the ground. Basically I’m picking this remake over “Clash of the Titans” because it was way more of a disappointment, not just because it’s another stupid remake, but because it could have been better, but just didn’t go anywhere.
7. Resident Evil Afterlife. I’m just going to say it. I didn’t see this movie in the 3D that it was advertised in. I don’t care for 3D as I’ve said before, I don’t think that the excuse of seeing a movie not in 3D when it is available makes it worse. I also must confess, I had a bit of a soft spot for the Resident Evil movies as a guilty pleasure, until the third one. The fact that these movies are trying to be a little more serious now, makes me like them less. I know, it sounds weird that I’m complaining about a series having movies that are technically getting better, but what I always liked was how bad these movies were. They were way more entertaining when they were stupid and fun, but not they’re just stupid. Really stupid. And the latest movie, well, not only is it stupid, it’s boring. This movie has an abysmal pace and so much slow motion that I’m positive if you put it all at regular speed the movie would only be 45 minutes. That’s all I have to say, stupid, boring and my number 7.
6. The Tourist. Yes, they made a movie with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, two very talented, very attractive people. They picked Venice Italy for the central location, a very cool looking and interesting place with tons of potential. So, why is this movie one of the worst? It’s boring. The movie is basically a very weak rip off of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic “North by Northwest” about an ordinary guy that’s pulled into a dangerous situation due to mistaken identity. It’s not a bad premise, but overall it’s so poorly executed that I can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s nominated for the Golden Globe for best comedy. It goes nowhere pretty fast and it’s never all that funny even though you can clearly tell that both Jolie and Depp are trying very hard in their roles. The problem is the movie never gives them anything interesting to do. They never take full advantage of the location save for one really underwhelming boat chase, most of the time it’s just Jolie and Depp, staring at each other then it’s Paul Bettany trying to find Jolie’s mystery boyfriend and always failing. That’s it; lather, rinse and repeat. The only time the movie gets at all good is when Timothy “I can steal the show no matter what” Dalton shows up and plays a character so dead pan hilarious that you just wish the whole movie was about him. On top of that, this movie has a twist at the end that I will just flat out say is stupider than “Book of Eli”. Yes, the end of this movie is stupider than finding out that Denzel Washington was blind the whole time. Think about that.
5. Saw 3D: The Final Chapter. I hate the Saw movies. I’ve never felt that they ever were all that good, even back when they started. The only time I had hope was when the second movie took the series and made it a really twisted version of Agatha Christie’s “Ten Little Indians” idea. But then it decided to go to a clichéd formula and just got worse with each movie, and this supposed “final” installment, is probably the worst of them all. Before anyone asks, yes. Yes I saw this stupid movie in the advertised 3D, and you know what? It was not worth the 5 extra bucks that I paid. I actually have seen ALL of the Saw movies, but only on DVD because I don’t see the point of going to these stupid things in theaters when I can rent them for half as much. I went to see this one in theaters because if I was going to see this, I might as well see it with the gimmicky 3D and get it over with. Here’s the thing though, the 3D hardly works! It was poorly planned out, never really felt noticeable and added nothing to the movie besides a bad head ache. Plus, the characters were stupid, the premise the dumbest of the franchise, and none of the traps nearly as inventive as any of the other films. So in other words, this movie doesn’t even have appeal for the fans that have kept it so damn popular for the last six years. Good grief what a waste of film…. Speaking of…
4. Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Do I even have to explain why this one’s on the list? Really, who hasn’t just condemned the whole franchise as a stupid joke? Alright, here it goes. Eclipse, like the previous two installments, is 1. Boring and repetitive. 2. Filled with bland, poorly written, underdeveloped, idiotic characters. 3. Some of the most offensive themes and morals I’ve seen in anything in recent history, and proves that 4. Bella Swan is one of the most unsympathetic, horribly despicable leading female characters ever created.No, I haven’t read the damn books, nor do I wish to. The plot is the same thing as the last movie, and once again, I spent the whole movie wishing that it was about any of the supporting cast more than it was the two leads. God, I’ve sat through the first two films and none of them have ever been good. Nothing happens in them! And this one, when something does actually happen, it’s just a huge anticlimax. The fact that I can safely call this movie the best one so far and still have it on my list of worst films of the year is really telling of how absolutely awful this franchise is, and what makes me angrier is that I know my complaints aren’t going to do anything to effect the popularity of it. Considering that these movies teach its intended female audience that stalking is supposed to be charming among many other horrible things, that really terrifies me.
3. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. Again, I wrote a review for this, and I don’t have much to add. This silly movie was pointless, confusing, and stupid. I called it Tim Burton’s equivalent to “Star Wars: Episode 1” and I still stand by that statement. So what if it’s more of a sequel? So what if it has concepts and characters from “Through the Looking Glass”? None of those things excuse this movie for being boring, sloppy, and unentertaining. While it’s not the absolute worst movie this year, it was the one I was the most disappointed by.
2. The Last Airbender. I only just saw this movie. I literally finished it right before I sat down and I just had to put it at number 2. M. Night Shymalan has lost any and all credibility that he had with me, and this is going to go down as his worst movie if he never makes another one. Nearly EVERY SINGLE line of dialogue in this movie is blatant exposition and because of it, the movie never gives the characters any development, personality or anything at all really. So once the action sequences get started you don’t really care and it’s just boring effects doing stuff that you ultimately won’t remember later because it’s about the equivalent of jingling keys in front of a toddler over and over to the point where they’ve lost all entertainment from them. Added to that, they spend so much time explaining but still you have no idea what the hell is going on. The performances are all really bland, and this movie finally gave us a more annoying child actor than Jake Lloyd as Anakin Skywalker. Scary I know. Overall I just can’t see who this movie was made for. It can’t be for kids, it’s too boring and kids are in fact smarter than this! It’s not for adult for sure, because it’s just stupid and dull. Who the hell is it for? I haven’t the slightest clue, all I know is that it’s my number 2 and yeah, I’d go so far as to call it a big piece of number 2.
1. Nightmare On Elm Street (2010). Was there any doubt this would be the worst? I ranted so hard about this movie that I don’t feel like retreading old ground. But really, this is number one because it’s a pathetic attempt at filmmaking. It’s a shameless cash grab. It’s an abomination. The only thing close to being redeeming is that Jackie Earl Haley shows potential to be a good Freddy, but the movie gives him nothing to do that is remotely scary or interesting and it’s such a waste. I’m going to try and cut down on the swearing for the sake of professionalism this year, but before I do I just want to say this. Fuck this movie. Fuck the director. Fuck the writers, the producers and the studio. Fuck them all. This movie is a waste and I cannot speak enough for how much I want the time this movie took from my life back. Seriously, fuck this movie.
Stay tuned for the 10 best and a new review every week!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Oh Dear God NO!
Get a bunch of sci fi geeks in a room and mention the original “Star Wars” trilogy, and you will most likely be presented with one of the biggest nerd-gasms that you’ve ever seen. Now, mention the special editions and the prequel trilogy, and get ready for some serious nerd rage. I don’t think a single series of films creates so much passion from both ends of the spectrum, ever. In fact, I’m one of the most passionate about this one.
To me, the original “Star Wars” trilogy is something that is very special. They are among the small group of films that I saw at a very young age that first got me very interested in movies to begin with. I have seen them so many times over the years and yet I still cannot get tired of them. In fact, and this something I’m a little bit embarrassed to mention, I’ve sat down and watch the whole trilogy more than once in a single sitting.
However, I have some bones to pick with George Lucas. This guy just pisses me off, but not like Michael Bay (There is an almost endless list there, but that’s another story). No good old George pisses me off for just one reason: HE WON’T LEAVE STAR WARS ALONE! Why?! Do you really want to know? The guy wants money, that’s it. Lucas is a business man, and he was very smart when he made the first movies. Thanks to contracts and such, Lucas made off with a butt load of cash as well as the rights to the entire franchise. Granted with that money he did do things like help preserve classic films, helped create some of the recent advances in video and sound editing technology, and of course, through the creation of Lucas film, produced some other movies like “Indiana Jones”. Then, things started to drop off for George, (“Howard the Duck” anyone?) so basically, since he has the rights he can just reissue them in someway to make a quick buck since they are some of the most popular movies of all time and all. And he’s absolutely right, people will buy them again and again. (Talking from experience here.)
Then in the mid 90’s, something weird happened. First, the films were re-released in theaters, which was exciting for me because I had only been able to see them on video. It was awesome to get a chance to see these movies on the big screen, but these weren’t the same movies. They were the “Special” editions, and yeah, I could make the obvious joke here, but I won’t. Basically, Lucas was apparently always frustrated about certain things in the movies or had things he wanted to do but couldn’t due to effects limitations at the time. So he went back and added new scenes, effects and all that. And ooooooooh the back lash. First of all, the films are still relatively CGI free, most of the big effects scenes stay the same, which means the new CGI effects stand out. A lot. Like a sore thumb that keeps getting bigger because someone is constantly smashing it with a hammer. I mean they just stop the movies in their tracks. I could see why he wanted to do this, but good god, I never thought I’d see something so poorly done, AND IT WAS FUCKING STAR WARS!!! And just to show I’m not just being petty, I actually enjoyed it when Spielberg did the exact same thing to “E.T.” later. The changes he made worked in the movie’s favor and were done in far FAR better taste. I’ll admit that while the special editions don’t piss me off as much of the wastes of time that are the prequels (I’ll save that fun for another day.) they still bug me because it seems that they are the ones that Lucas has decided are his versions, so when finally released on DVD (Oh yeah, Mr. Lucas is also a freaking genius at building the anticipation on these things because the DVD release took FOREVER.) all us fans were royally pissed that there was no option to see the movies unaltered.
I must again ask why? There are tons of movies that were released different from what the filmmakers envisioned, but there is a director’s cut with it on the DVD. In fact, allow me to list some of these just from my own collection, off the top of my head.
- The “Alien” films
- The Abyss
- Apocalypse Now
- Blade Runner (seriously, every one of the five different versions is available for the fans to watch on this one)
- Dawn of the Dead
- E.T. (Why, yes George, Steven IS less of a dick than you.)
- Gladiator
- Terminator 2
In less than a minute, I just listed 11 movies. All of which have both versions of the movie available to the viewer, all in full quality. That’s a good thing. Even if the extended version wasn’t the “director’s cut” like the alternate version of Ridley Scott’s “Alien”, it’s still an option and it’s down to the viewer’s preference. This kind of set up makes everyone happy! And yes, I know that there has been a DVD release that DOES feature the original versions now, but they were released much later, and they are not remastered like the special editions were, which there is no excuse for because the films had to be remastered just to do the special editions. (Implying something there George?) So basically, you might as well dust off the VCR and track the films down on tape, which is what I did.
And finally I make it to the point. It has been announced that starting next year, all the “Star Wars” will be rereleased in theaters, IN 3D! No! Just no! If you want to rerelease these films again, don’t bother with the prequels and give us the unaltered versions of the originals, hell I’ll go see the special editions again, but for the love of god, don’t fuck with these movies anymore.
This is a really, really, really stupid idea. First of all, the prequels aren’t that old, Episode 1 only recently turned 10, and then other two are still fresh in the minds of people that went to see them. Also, this time you have no excuse George, you had final cut, free reign, AND the bleeding edge of special effect possibility at your finger tips, why are you changing them now? Oh, are you jealous that James Cameron broke the box office records with “Avatar”? Mad that the man actually was the only person that could top the box office of his last movie “Titanic”? Well, I’m sorry George, but this isn’t the way. You may have been able to hide what you were doing before, but here, there is no hiding it. You want more fucking money. I again must beg for the unaltered versions. Those are what people fell in love with. That is how you got so far. Can you even imagine how much all the fans you’ve pissed off would love to go and see those movies in theaters? Most of them never got to see the unaltered versions in theaters, the logic sounds pretty solid to me. And as a brief aside; to hell with 3D anyway. It’s a stupid gimmick that mostly gets used to cover up when a movie doesn’t have much going for it to begin with. And it’s also Hollywood getting desperate like when TV came out big in the 50’s, and they did the exact same thing! The only reason I let “Avatar” get away with it is because I saw it in 2D and to be honest, I still enjoyed it as a movie. It was entertaining. And that’s more than I can for the “Star Wars” prequels. Think about it people, do you really want Jar Jar Binks coming off the screen? I mean really?
To me, the original “Star Wars” trilogy is something that is very special. They are among the small group of films that I saw at a very young age that first got me very interested in movies to begin with. I have seen them so many times over the years and yet I still cannot get tired of them. In fact, and this something I’m a little bit embarrassed to mention, I’ve sat down and watch the whole trilogy more than once in a single sitting.
However, I have some bones to pick with George Lucas. This guy just pisses me off, but not like Michael Bay (There is an almost endless list there, but that’s another story). No good old George pisses me off for just one reason: HE WON’T LEAVE STAR WARS ALONE! Why?! Do you really want to know? The guy wants money, that’s it. Lucas is a business man, and he was very smart when he made the first movies. Thanks to contracts and such, Lucas made off with a butt load of cash as well as the rights to the entire franchise. Granted with that money he did do things like help preserve classic films, helped create some of the recent advances in video and sound editing technology, and of course, through the creation of Lucas film, produced some other movies like “Indiana Jones”. Then, things started to drop off for George, (“Howard the Duck” anyone?) so basically, since he has the rights he can just reissue them in someway to make a quick buck since they are some of the most popular movies of all time and all. And he’s absolutely right, people will buy them again and again. (Talking from experience here.)
Then in the mid 90’s, something weird happened. First, the films were re-released in theaters, which was exciting for me because I had only been able to see them on video. It was awesome to get a chance to see these movies on the big screen, but these weren’t the same movies. They were the “Special” editions, and yeah, I could make the obvious joke here, but I won’t. Basically, Lucas was apparently always frustrated about certain things in the movies or had things he wanted to do but couldn’t due to effects limitations at the time. So he went back and added new scenes, effects and all that. And ooooooooh the back lash. First of all, the films are still relatively CGI free, most of the big effects scenes stay the same, which means the new CGI effects stand out. A lot. Like a sore thumb that keeps getting bigger because someone is constantly smashing it with a hammer. I mean they just stop the movies in their tracks. I could see why he wanted to do this, but good god, I never thought I’d see something so poorly done, AND IT WAS FUCKING STAR WARS!!! And just to show I’m not just being petty, I actually enjoyed it when Spielberg did the exact same thing to “E.T.” later. The changes he made worked in the movie’s favor and were done in far FAR better taste. I’ll admit that while the special editions don’t piss me off as much of the wastes of time that are the prequels (I’ll save that fun for another day.) they still bug me because it seems that they are the ones that Lucas has decided are his versions, so when finally released on DVD (Oh yeah, Mr. Lucas is also a freaking genius at building the anticipation on these things because the DVD release took FOREVER.) all us fans were royally pissed that there was no option to see the movies unaltered.
I must again ask why? There are tons of movies that were released different from what the filmmakers envisioned, but there is a director’s cut with it on the DVD. In fact, allow me to list some of these just from my own collection, off the top of my head.
- The “Alien” films
- The Abyss
- Apocalypse Now
- Blade Runner (seriously, every one of the five different versions is available for the fans to watch on this one)
- Dawn of the Dead
- E.T. (Why, yes George, Steven IS less of a dick than you.)
- Gladiator
- Terminator 2
In less than a minute, I just listed 11 movies. All of which have both versions of the movie available to the viewer, all in full quality. That’s a good thing. Even if the extended version wasn’t the “director’s cut” like the alternate version of Ridley Scott’s “Alien”, it’s still an option and it’s down to the viewer’s preference. This kind of set up makes everyone happy! And yes, I know that there has been a DVD release that DOES feature the original versions now, but they were released much later, and they are not remastered like the special editions were, which there is no excuse for because the films had to be remastered just to do the special editions. (Implying something there George?) So basically, you might as well dust off the VCR and track the films down on tape, which is what I did.
And finally I make it to the point. It has been announced that starting next year, all the “Star Wars” will be rereleased in theaters, IN 3D! No! Just no! If you want to rerelease these films again, don’t bother with the prequels and give us the unaltered versions of the originals, hell I’ll go see the special editions again, but for the love of god, don’t fuck with these movies anymore.
This is a really, really, really stupid idea. First of all, the prequels aren’t that old, Episode 1 only recently turned 10, and then other two are still fresh in the minds of people that went to see them. Also, this time you have no excuse George, you had final cut, free reign, AND the bleeding edge of special effect possibility at your finger tips, why are you changing them now? Oh, are you jealous that James Cameron broke the box office records with “Avatar”? Mad that the man actually was the only person that could top the box office of his last movie “Titanic”? Well, I’m sorry George, but this isn’t the way. You may have been able to hide what you were doing before, but here, there is no hiding it. You want more fucking money. I again must beg for the unaltered versions. Those are what people fell in love with. That is how you got so far. Can you even imagine how much all the fans you’ve pissed off would love to go and see those movies in theaters? Most of them never got to see the unaltered versions in theaters, the logic sounds pretty solid to me. And as a brief aside; to hell with 3D anyway. It’s a stupid gimmick that mostly gets used to cover up when a movie doesn’t have much going for it to begin with. And it’s also Hollywood getting desperate like when TV came out big in the 50’s, and they did the exact same thing! The only reason I let “Avatar” get away with it is because I saw it in 2D and to be honest, I still enjoyed it as a movie. It was entertaining. And that’s more than I can for the “Star Wars” prequels. Think about it people, do you really want Jar Jar Binks coming off the screen? I mean really?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)